The company feels that with new relatable flavors such as “regret,” “back pain,” and “I can have a glass of wine at 11 AM, right?” more adults will switch to getting their nicotine fix from the Juul.
Yup. I Wear Shorts Year-Round.
Yeah it’s me. The guy who wears shorts year round, no matter the temperature – how the hell are ya? I’m pretty swell, not cold at all actually.
Budget Cuts Force NU Football Program to Give Players Old-Timey Motorcycles with SideCars
First, they came for the PWILD budget and I said nothing because I did CUP. Then, they came
for the ice rink and I said nothing because who looks hot while ice-skating?
HEARTBREAKING: Acapella Senior JUST Realized Acapella Sucks
“Maybe it’s not too late to start an extracurricular that people actually like, one that isn’t some super embarrassing cult,” Silver continued. “I should try improv.”
America is Releasing their Cast List Tonight and Everyone is Freaking Out
“Biss is still fuming that he didn't even get a callback and finsta'ed that JB only got one because his parents donated the law school. Ahhh Nepotism, gotta love her. “
#TheResistance: Don’t Just Vote, Suppress the Vote of Your Grandparents
Move over Reaganomics— here are some 21st Century lies to tell your grandparents to make your vote stretch even farther in the midterm elections:
An Open Letter to Anyone with Rich Parents: Bring Back Our Fucking Ice Rink
We feel like our demands are reasonable. We know your spending habits aren’t.
Holy Shit: This Guy Sat on the Fence At a Tailgate
Move over, Jenny with the purple and white striped overalls. This guy just sat on the fence.
CAPS Launches New Mental Health Campaign: “It Just Be Like That”
Students have been asking for an expansion of CAPS for years, so this just might be the answer. The answer to what? We’re not so sure. But hey, sometimes… it just be like that.
So, You’ve Killed a Mime and Need Someone to Reprimand You, so You Don’t Continue This Kind of Behavior
Don’t worry too much: chances are the orgasmic release you experienced as a result of this horrific act was solely because it was a mime who you killed—and mimes are famously annoying, what with their silence and boxes that no one is able to see except them.
BRAVE: This College Student Walks Dogs for a Living Instead of Paying for Therapy
Like, I’m responsible for whether this creature gets its kibble or dies of starvation. How empowering is that!
McCormick Engineer Can’t Stop Rubbing Nipples While Explaining Coursework
Further investigation shows Callaway was briefly hospitalized during exam week last quarter for severe nipple chafing.
A Random Alumna Walked Into My Room Unannounced and Now We’re Lovers
Like a true colonizer, she conquered my room and my heart. This is the sort of confidence no current NU student has developed, and it is what makes Lauren such a passionate lover.
Chef Brick Rayless Opens Authentic, Totally Real-Sounding “Asiana Foodville” in Norris
Rayless then adjusted his groucho Marx glasses, letting the crowd know that they were not intended to hide his true identity, just a fun little thing he likes to do, adding “I’m me, and I’m real! Olé!”
Story Time with Sherman: This is Oktoberfest
I think we can all agree that this is the real Oktoberfest. Anyone else have this experience? No just me? Noted.
Compass Busts a Nut
Previously, says Compass employee Ron Stevenson, stepping into a dining hall was unsafe for not only students with nut allergies, but also people with a dedication to celibacy.
6 Ways to Grab Their Attention at the Career Fair Without Setting Yourself on Fire
I for one would rather burn up in flames than work at anything less prestigious than Deloitte.
It’s Tuesday and Allison Dining Hall is Serving Lasagna, But I Wish They Served it Yesterday When I Had a Case of the Mondays Because I’m Garfield the Cat
But if that day is Monday, there better be some fucking lasagna waiting for me in the dining hall.