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Holy Shit: This Guy Sat on the Fence At a Tailgate

Holy Shit: This Guy Sat on the Fence At a Tailgate

Tailgate season is in full swing, and you know what that means: purple pride, purple pants, and a whole lot of purple piss. It’s no secret that there are haves and have-nots at each one. I thought I had seen it all, until this weekend when somebody really took it to the next level.

Move over, Jenny with the purple and white striped overalls. This guy just sat on the fence.

You’re speechless, huh? I was too. One minute he was on the ground with the rest of us regular people, the next he was slowly being hoisted by three friends onto his wooden throne. God save the king!

He was a bit shaky at first, dividing his time between finding his balance and waving over some idiot in a fur coat. It couldn’t have been easy. In fact, the fence looked like it was fucking him, but to be honest, I’d bet anything he was fucking that fence right back.

I overheard the girl next to me ask her friend, “What’s happening? What’s happening!?” as her hands moved to her pocket, as if they had a mind of their own, took out her phone, and snapped an impossibly high-quality photo. “Someone was bound to take a picture. I just didn’t know it was going to be me!”

As the party raged on, so did the man of the hour. With a drink in one hand and nobody up there to talk to, he looked at peace. It’s not every tailgate that you get to witness such an awesome display of moving upwards a few feet…or is it?

Reporting from Old Lady Shankelworth and Puff the Magic Daddy

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