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A Random Alumna Walked Into My Room Unannounced and Now We’re Lovers

A Random Alumna Walked Into My Room Unannounced and Now We’re Lovers

It happened: I found her. The one. I was beginning to think it would never happen to me, after oh so many failed attempts at love in this cruel, cold, gloomy campus. I have always been a hopeless romantic, but ever since sophomore year, I began to doubt I would ever find a meaningful relationship in this sea of econ majors. Homecoming weekend changed it all.

It was a cold Thursday morning. My alarm went off at 8:26 am, as per usual. I groaned as I hit snooze – it was just going to be another day in my monotonous, meaningless existence. School may have started a mere three weeks ago, but I was already tired of the routine. The only things keeping me going were my JUUL and the thought of getting dicked down on the weekend. That’s when Lauren came into my life. The door to my sad, little sorority room burst open suddenly.

I was startled. I was also fully naked. I instinctively covered my body with my sheets, protecting myself from the stranger now standing in the middle of my room. Little did I know I needed no protection, as she was here to protect me, and she was no stranger, she was the love of my life.

I fell in love with Lauren, Class of ‘76, as soon as my bewildered gaze meet with hers when she came into my room unannounced. I could immediately tell she was a Midwestern beauty. She was also so confident. She did not even apologize for aggressively coming into my personal space -- she acted like she fucking owned this whole goddamn campus. Like a true colonizer, she conquered my room and my heart. This is the sort of confidence no current NU student has developed, and it is what makes Lauren such a passionate lover.

Lauren and I have only been dating for a day and a half but I am certain we are getting married. We have already gotten brunch twice and will be tailgating together on Saturday morning. I cannot wait to see this gorgeous woman enjoying some warm natty lights in the chilly yet beautiful Evanston weather. This suburb is truly heaven on Earth. We may even get the chance to play beer pong together before the game.

NU students: I know homecoming weekend may seem like a lot. There are alumni everywhere, making the lines at Norbucks even worse, and walking into our personal spaces because apparently that’s okay with the university. But hear me out: you never know what’s going to happen. Keep your doors unlocked and your bodies ready because the love of your life might just be the next alumnus to invade your personal space.


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