Story Time with Sherman: This is Oktoberfest
In every person’s life there is an event so catastrophic so evil that their life is separated by pre and post event....for me, that was Oktoberfest. For lack of better terminology: I was something other than human. I’m sure you all saw the little cutesy instagrams with flower headbands and adorable Hansel and Gretel looks. But let me tell you, general student body, there is no greater heaven or hell than Munich, Germany during Oktoberfest. I’m here to paint that picture for you.
5:00 AM: Wake up to the blaring sounds of several cell phone alarms on the floor of a Holiday Inn. Not because I was blacked out- we just had 7 people in a room with one bed. The electricity in our room doesn’t work due to overcapacity and an American’s general inability to limit their energy consumption.
5:15 AM: Open my one small backpack I brought with me. The only things in it are my lederhosen, toothbrush, toothpaste, and deodorant. This trip requires minimal material possessions and maximum ability to endure pushing your body to the absolute edge of sanity. Lederhosen: on. Self respect: out the window.
5:50 AM: I snorted Ritalin for breakfast. I shouldn’t have to say anything else.
6:30 AM: Get in line with hundreds of other American college students. Not a joke when I say this was abroad Dillo Day, abroad ZBT tailgate, abroad walk of shame down Sheridan road early in the morning and seeing everyone you’ve ever met in your life. Wait in line for 2.5 hours.
9:00 AM: Actual stampede to the tent. I haven’t run like that since Nam. Fling your frail, fragile body across an entire ten foot long table and wait for your friends to make it to the tent and sit down. Yell at anyone who tries to get close to your table, it’s eat or be eaten.
9:30 AM – 12 PM: The closest to God I have even been in my entire life. Quite literally the most fun I have ever had. This is why we go abroad, ladies and gentlemen. This is why we grind every day (no days off) so we can pay 11 euros for a liter of beer and chug three of them on top of a table in front of hundreds of people. Did anyone ask me to do this? Absolutely not.
12 PM - 4 PM: Complete and utter darkness.
4 PM: Wake up behind the Ferris wheel in between two carnie vans. I have no lederhosen or boxers on. I look up and see two German police officers looking at me in a way that can only be described as complete pity. I felt the same. Credit card gone. Phone power bank gone. ID gone. Remember what I said about material possessions? I brought too many. Black out again- this time from extreme emotional duress.
4:30 PM: Black in to EMTs taping the world’s itchiest blanket around my naked body. They’re motioning me to a stretcher? I decide I was “fine” and take the ultimate walk of shame followed by ten nurses and police officers to a taxi and go the fuck back to my hotel.
The rest of that day went fine, but I think we can all agree that this is the real Oktoberfest. Anyone else have this experience? No just me? Noted.