America is Releasing their Cast List Tonight and Everyone is Freaking Out
Get ready for tearful phone calls in the Norris Bathroom: it's election szn.
Biss is still fuming that he didn't even get a callback and finsta'ed that JB only got one because his parents donated the law school. Ahhh Nepotism, gotta love her.
Meanwhile, Bruce Rauner is complaining in his theatre board groupchat that he was the anointed one and got the lead as a freshman. It wasn't his fault the play was shitty!
And Rahm Emanuel? The narc keeps loudly explaining that he didn't even audition this year because he's so busy preparing for his second round interview at Goldman.
Oh and then there's Ted Cruz over by the commuter lounge. He keeps insisting that he knows the play better than anyone and people just likes Beto for the role because he's hot. Also, Beto didn't have to deal with that dumb rumor that he was the Zodiac killer.
Also, if Pippin hadn’t been cancelled everything would be different.