Have College Fun! (Even Though You're Not in College Yet)

Have College Fun! (Even Though You're Not in College Yet)


Across the country, the incoming freshman class is collectively wetting their beds in excitement for what they may later look back on as the best four years of their lives. Well everyone except for you–you were potty trained at like 6 weeks. That is not to say that Northwestern will not be the best four years of your life– in all likelihood, your college experience will surpass your expectations in every way imaginable. However, for you the start to your freshman year of college seems like light years away– and in many ways, it is.

In the upcoming month, while you watch all of your high school classmates arrive on campus and begin to tag pictures in very originally titled Facebook albums which will be either a pun on either their school’s name/mascot or a quote from a song overplayed at frat parties, you will be sitting alone, friendless, ruining the keyboard of your laptop with tears (because you have really bad late summer allergies). Midway through your best friend’s Snapchat story in which you can see literally nothing except for vague flashes of light, you may begin to feel incredibly left out, and wonder why you haven’t be invited to the four year shitshow that society calls “college.”


Well, you were invited. Your party just starts a little later. And by a little later we mean a lot later. Like after-party-later. Like post-post-post-game-to-the-point-that-everyone-is-already-passed-out-or-hooking-up later. It sucks, we know; freshman year is almost here, but until then, here are a few tips for helping make you not want to start a conspiracy murder plot against the person who thought up the quarter system during the next month.


1)   Visit your nerdiest high school friend at college

While they may not attend one of America’s top “party schools,” everyone knows that the kids who barely went out in high school wind up partying hardest in these next couple of weeks. They will need you during this time to tell them that it’s okay to turn down for planking in the pool and to help them avoid like maybe half of the party fouls they will inevitably commit.


2)   Visit your wildest friend from high school (if college is applicable)

Hopefully this person is attending college and if so will likely be almost as much fun as your bff from Mathletes, except they know how to handle their shit. This person isn’t yet jaded enough to have gotten sick of “frat parties” in general and will probably be able to show you a really good time.

3)   Visit your siblings, cousins, and friends’ siblings at their respective schools

Are you catching a theme here? Find your own pre-game. You will find this to be a theme in college as well. Like pre-games, where you decide to go should be entirely based on who is the most fun to drink with, and potentially where you’ll be able to take good pictures so your friends don’t start to feel bad for you.

4)   Go away on vacation

Not only do travel rates get a whole lot cheaper in early September, but time with your family becomes a lot more tolerable when you literally have no one else.


5) Meet some of your fellow wildcats

Yes, inevitably this will be awkward as fuck, just go somewhere fun, make sure they’re lenient on IDs and you’ll be amazed how quickly you make new friends.

6) Do something creative/innovative and/or financially rewarding

You have just been told by admissions offices here and likely around the country that you are pretty much the shit (or you were shit on, in that case, you will find that you are also in good company). You are the brightest and most promising group of attractive & intelligent students ever to walk the face of the earth and you can pretty much cure cancer, so like, do something that will impress us jaded and washed-up Northwestern veterans, and make us proud.

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High School Bully Very Excited to Become Police Officer One Day

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