Help! I Invited People Over and They Actually Came

EVANSTON, IL - Last Friday night, I was tidying up my room and eating dinner when I heard a sound that sent shivers down my spine. A knock at the door. Mumbled voices on the other side.

They were here.

I crept downstairs, heart pounding. Fuck. I held my breath and cracked open the door.

“Hello?” I breathed.

“We’re here! C’mon, let us in. We’re cold.”

Can you believe it? To just…assume I would let them into my home?

In the end, I had no option but to open the door to these people that I had fully asked to come over less than 24 hours ago. They took off their jackets—and shoes!—then proceeded to sit on my couch, despite my silent screams. They drank the drinks (that I fully bought in preparation for them coming over). They even offered to “shoot me 5 bucks on venmo.”

Sure, I had planned this get together. And okay, yeah – I made a Facebook event and invited 50 or so people. I even said there was a theme — “wigs,” a classic. And maybe I even purchased some alcohol. Sue me. But for people to have the audacity to show up? Nightmare.

In their attempts to communicate with me, I found myself stunned, unable to respond. How could I? Instead, I only laughed, praying that would be enough.

The worst part? I couldn’t get them to leave. I tried subtle hints.

“Really sucks that I have that 9am tomorrow.”

Crickets. I couldn’t take it anymore.

I dug in harder, saying how “great” tonight had been. A bold-faced lie. I even suggested hanging out at a later date. But nevertheless, they persisted.  

In a last ditch effort to get these people the fuck out, I audibly said the word yawn.

“Yawn! Might be time to turn in soon.”

The one time I try to be lightheartedly social online and this is what I get in return?

Never again.