BREAKING: Procrastination A Real Thing, Girl Confirms

Girl with booksEVANSTON, Il —The existence of procrastination was confirmed early this morning. Weinberg junior Megan Rathburn ended a long period of speculation today with the definitive statement that, “Yeah, procrastination is a real thing.” The announcement came on the heels of a brief conversation regarding the urge to watch Netflix when one should be working. Procrastination, which, according to Rathburn, is “such a struggle,” now explains a previously gaping hole in human behavior.

“We always knew that important work wasn’t always being completed by deadlines, but now we finally have an explanation as to why,” reported Dr. Linda Jensen, a leading human behavior specialist at Johns Hopkins University.

Rachel Hayes, a colleague of Rathburn’s, corroborated the announcement that individuals often put off important duties this afternoon.

“No, it totally is,” Hayes added in response to Rathburn’s initial assertion that procrastination is not, as previously believed, merely a myth.

Several individuals who were in attendance at the time of Rathburn’s revolutionary announcement expressed their awe and excitement.

“I’ve always thought procrastination existed, but it’s unbelievable that it’s real,” said Dwayne McCann, who had always been unsure of whether or not the phenomenon existed. “To hear someone finally confirm what’s only been theorized is huge,” continued McCann.

When reached for comment, Rathburn responded, “Sorry, I’m so busy I can’t even.”

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