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SHAPE Spends Entire 2016-17 Budget on One Very Big Dildo

SHAPE Spends Entire 2016-17 Budget on One Very Big Dildo

EVANSTON, IL—Northwestern’s Sexual Health and Assault Peer Educators (SHAPE), known for distributing condoms, lubricant, and sexual health information around campus, revealed its budget for the 2016-17 school year was entirely spent on one very big dildo.

Cindy Rodriguez, the president of SHAPE, addressed concerns regarding the budget. “While in past years we’ve spent our funding on items and education for STI prevention and holistic sexual health, this year we felt that one very big, very detailed dildo was the best allocation of resources” said Rodriguez. “The dildo is extremely heavy, and therefore hard to carry, but we all agree it was worth it.”

The dildo, which is approximately four feet long and has the girth of a human adult’s leg, will be on display at the “G-Spot,” SHAPE’s pop-up sexual health kiosk. “While the dildo is too large to be used in the traditional way, we think having a very big dildo will have a positive impact on Northwestern’s community” added SHAPE volunteer Dan Levitz.

At press time, SHAPE had announced that until the organization receives additional funding to provide contraceptives, students should abstain from sex, and just stick to “hand stuff.”

Cla$$ic Chocolate Chip Cookies and M.I.L.F.

Cla$$ic Chocolate Chip Cookies and M.I.L.F.

Jeff, Everything in this Olive Garden is a Metaphor for Our Relationship

Jeff, Everything in this Olive Garden is a Metaphor for Our Relationship