Trevor Siemian Officially Named Denver Broncos Starting Quarterb-hahaha wait, WHAT?? No. Really?

In a meeting with the Denver Broncos this morning, Gary Kubiak officially announced that Trevor Siemian, former Northwestern Quarterback, had been named the starting quarterback for the team’s opening game against the Carolina Panthers, news that is sure to-wait. Hold up.

Show me that article again. This is confirmed? Don’t fuck with me on this. This is real? Okay! Okay.

Siemian, who beat out Paxton Lynch and Mark Sanchez for the j-okay, come on. Mark Sanchez and Paxton Lynch are first round picks! Sanchez was a Rose Bowl MVP! He won playoff games! Trevor’s taken one snap, and it was a half-ending kneel! This can’t be-okay. Alright. I’ll stop. I’ll stop!

As the first game approach-is this some prank? Is he dying, or something? Are they letting him start a game because September 8th is his birthday? Are we sure they haven’t confused him with Trevor and Simon, the British comedy duo that stars in the BBC1 show Kicking and Screaming? Did Trevor pull a Beyoncé and get the entire internet to pull all evidence of his senior year game against Michigan? There must be an explanation. Other than it being true. Any explanation but that.

The NFL season begins September 8th, where Siemian will become the first Northwestern starting quarterback since 1955 and the first quarterback to ever take over a defending Super Bowl championship team with zero passing attempts, in a game that is sure to-hahaha okay. I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore. This is crazy. Crazy! I’m done here. Keep your fever dreams to yourself.