Norris Begins Planning Half-Birthday
EVANSTON - Administrators at Northwestern University's Norris Student Center announced this morning that they are officially making plans for an extravagant week-long celebration of the building's half-birthday this summer.
Norris Executive Director Kelly Schaefer expressed the importance of the celebration.
"You know, some people don't think half-birthdays are worth celebrating," said Schaefer. "But, like, come on! Those people just don't know how to have fun. They're probably the same people who think that Norris doesn't need a game room."
"Besides, it's not every day you turn forty and a half," added Schaefer.
The celebration will incorporate all components of the student center's portfolio of activities. The most notable elements of the celebration will be birthday card-decorating in ARTica and Norris Bookstore's sale, which will offer a 4.05% discount on purchases over $405. Additionally, Rick Bayless will be personally baking a 40.5-pound guacamole cake.
On top of the expansions of current Norris activities, there will be a series of short mini-courses offered to complement the half-birthday party. Popular mainstay courses like Wine Appreciation and Hip-Hop Dancing will be supplemented with one-time-only courses like Student Center Donation Techniques and Two-Story Sports Bar Architecture.
Among the costs of decorations, events, food, and publicity, the party is estimated to cost around $60,000.
"That sounds like a lot of money, but if you think about it, that's only about $7 per undergraduate student," said Schaefer, ignoring the fact that $7 can buy an entire Chipotle burrito.
Northwestern students could not be reached for comment, as they were searching tirelessly for somewhere to just buy a goddamn crepe.