New Chipotle Opens in Student Center

EVANSTON - Students and employees of Northwestern University enthusiastically welcomed the opening of a Chipotle Mexican Grill franchise in the Norris Student Center this morning. "The addition of a reasonably priced, popular Mexican restaurant - which I assume is just a fucking Chipotle - adds another dimension to the Norris experience," explained Northwestern University President Morton Schapiro.

Added the President, "On second thought, it might be a Qdoba.  I'll double-check that."

Rick Bayless, the man who is either the CEO of Chipotle or maybe the head bean-maker, expressed his excitement for the opening of the new franchise.

"Above all, this restaurant values high quality of food and a pleasurable eating experience," stated Bayless, reflecting Chipotle's renowned emphasis on grass-fed beef and organic vegetables.

The Northwestern student body has demonstrated unanimous support for the new Mexican grill which realistically wouldn't be anything other than a Chipotle.  According to a survey administered on Tuesday, 84% of undergraduate students expressed positive feelings toward the new Mexican restaurant, and only 2% of respondents chose the answer, "Only if those fuckers serve $1.25 crepes from 4-5pm on weeknights."

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