Mayfest Announces Beyonce To Perform At Dillo Day, Student Literally Dies
Tragedy struck Northwestern’s campus yesterday as Mayfest’s highly anticipated announcement of the Dillo Day headliner turned fatal. Carly Stein, a Medill sophomore, was pronounced dead (literally dead) at 3:47pm last afternoon.
At approximately 3:45pm, Mayfest flooded twitter, Facebook, and NU Email listservs with news that Queen Bey herself would be performing in Dillo’s top spot. Hours before the announcement, Stein gushed to friends, “OMG if Beyonce is chosen to perform at Dillo Day, I will literally die. I will literally fall down on the floor and die.” These students failed to warn the Mayfest team of the gravity of the situation.
Officials speculate this lapse was due to a misinterpretation of the adverb literally: “actually, without exaggeration or inaccuracy.” Mourners will gather at the Rock tonight at 9pm to grieve for the loss of this dear student, as well as for the slow crumbling demise of the English language.