Smart Dillo Announces Sabbatical; Replaced With New Hire Batshit Crazy Dillo
The popular Dillo Day safety advocate Smart Dillo announced Wednesday that his colleague, known among humans as Batshit Crazy Dillo, will stand in for him this spring due to a sabbatical he will take in May.
Frank “Smart Dillo” Miller, who works year-round for the Northwestern administration in collaboration with Mayfest, will miss Dillo Day for the first time in his 13-year career as campus educational armadillo. He appointed Elvis McBlunterson as his temporary replacement. McBlunterson is reportedly putting his own spin on past Dillo Day safety campaigns to reflect his values. Northwestern students gave mixed reactions to the staff member change.
“It’ll be weird without Smart Dillo, maybe dangerous,” said McCormick sophomore and Mayfest board member Derek Schultz. “How should students know to hydrate with water on Dillo instead of bleach?"
Weinberg Junior Laura Knapp felt differently, saying she was “confident in Batshit Crazy Dillo’s ability” to encourage students’ security.
“People get so worked up over his nickname, but it’s exactly that,” she said. “A nickname. A label. Our society has this compulsive need to put everyone’s identity into boxes based on stigmas and stereotypes, and we need to focus on accepting everyone without prejudgment.”
Miller said he appointed his coworker hoping to help him cope with the developments that earned him the nickname Batshit Crazy Dillo.
“He used to be Average Intelligence Dillo,” Miller said, admitting that McBlunterson, a childhood friend, spent his youth living in Miller’s shadow. “That term is inherently self-deprecating, and it takes a toll on one’s self-esteem. It’s unfortunate, because we shouldn’t need others’ validation to determine our self-worth. It’s something we need to work on in the armadillo community.”
When asked about his plans for safety promotion for the upcoming holiday, Batshit Crazy Dillo commented only, “Hurry up with my damn croissants!”