I’m an Undergrad in Kellogg and Everyone Keeps Looking at Me. Also I’m Naked.

This past Tuesday, sophomore Jason McDavis chose to do his homework in the Kellogg Global Hub after a long day filled to the brim with two classes. What began as a harmless trip to Northwestern’s glass castle soon turned into what can only be described as an undergraduate student’s worst nightmare, highlighting the severe ageist problem on this campus. This is Jason’s story.

5:32 p.m. - The key to walking into Kellogg as an undergrad is to always act natural. I keep reminding myself that as I stand out front, waiting for the perfect moment to strike with the confidence of a 32-year-old who still goes to school. I get that my backpack stands out a little against the sea of business casual shoulder bags, but with a little finesse, I blend in with the rest of ‘em.

5:35 p.m. - Shit. The security guard did a double take when I walked in. I even made sure to come in behind a large group, but I guess it didn’t help. Must have been the backpack. The breeze that ruffled my chest hair when I opened the door was kinda nice.

5:40 p.m. - The classic elevator trick didn’t work this time. I followed some woman in and pretended to look for the Kellogg ID I don’t have in the pockets I don’t have, hoping that she would grow impatient and just pull out her own. I planned to say: “Oh, thanks. Fourth floor, please.” But she just looked freaked out and stood there with her hand over her mouth. Is it really that shocking to be between the ages of 18 and 22?

6:00 p.m. - I had to settle for the stairs. I tried to get into the staircases to get a better seat, but people gave me disgusted looks at every turn. Since when did pursuing a bachelor's degree make someone public enemy number 1? All of this unnecessary attention is starting to get to me, but my bare buttocks are not unsticking from this faux leather cushion anytime soon.

6:15 p.m. - Every now and then I notice someone taking a picture. Turns out people being younger than you is the joke of the century. Call the Daily! Get a reporter in here! Everyone, look! A fucking undergrad! I hope they didn’t get that weird birthmark I have on my stomach in their pictures.

6:17 p.m. - Who knew you could get kicked out of a building for being an undergrad? Security asked me to leave. I must have been drawing too much attention to myself by studying for my spanish quiz. I guess grad students don’t take spanish quizzes anymore. I’ve never been so discriminated against for my age. My pecs and I will be taking our business elsewhere.