We conducted extensive interviews in an effort to assess the viability of each royal member of the Homecoming Court to lead Northwestern University as its Homecoming King or Queen. Hayley Stevens was kind enough to grace us with a wondrous phone interview. She would probably survive a zombie apocalypse.
What are you studying at Northwestern?
I'm an English major.
And where did you find your passion for the study of English?
I've always just been a book nerd, I guess you could say.
What's the worst book you've ever read.
The worst book? The Crucible. I hated reading that.
And then the best book?
1984. I have many favorite books, but that one would be my favorite.
What is it about 1984 that makes it your favorite?
There are so many elements about it. It's incredibly well thought out. I think Orwell's just a genius.
Why did you come to Northwestern?
It's always been Northwestern. My mom is from Chicago and it's always been a school that's in the back of my mind, so once I started applying I just realized how awesome it was. I didn't know what I wanted to study either, but Northwestern seemed like a great place no matter what.
And where are you from?
I'm from a really small place in New Jersey, right outside of New York City.
So who's the most relevant person to come from your hometown?
No one. Although you know that movie Harold and Kumar go to White Castle? It's written from a guy in my hometown, and based on his experiences there.
If you had to marry, kill, or screw anybody on the Homecoming Court, who would it be?
Oh my God, I can't answer that!
Okay. Can you please define 'Northwestern hot?'
Definitely nice. I think that there definitely are Northwestern goggles here though.
On a scale of 0 to 1, how would you rate your comprehension of the binary system?
Basically zero. I don't have any experience with that.
How would you use your position as Homecoming Queen to further a two-state solution in Israel?
I have no idea. No idea.
If one of the characters in 1984 had to be your TA, which one would you most want it to be?
[crackle crackle crackle. Did I mention it was a phone interview? I'm going to guess it was O'Brien]
What is your favorite Taylor Swift song, and how does it represent what you have learned in your life about overcoming adversity?
Probably that song... what's the one that's out right now?
We are never ever getting back together?
Yeah, I guess that would pretty well describe one of my exes.
So now we'd like to give you the setup for a joke, and we want you to come up with the punchline in 30 seconds. So Sylvia Plath walks into a bar.
She says where's the stove.
Okay, you're almost done. So if you were to be eaten by a shark, would you rather it be in the Pacific, or the Atlantic Ocean?
The Atlantic, so I could be near my hometown.
Just imagine you're getting married, and your spouse wants to spend a week-long honeymoon in a cabin without electricity. The only catch is that it's during Shark Week. How do you respond?
Like Discovery's Shark Week? I've never even seen that! I'd say 'cool.'
How would you describe your perfect, ideal date with one of the members of the Homecoming Court?
Just dinner. I love to eat.
Where would you go?
The Chicago Diner. It's a vegetarian restaurant.
If all the members of the Homecoming Court represented the Disciples of Jesus, which one would Kirk be?
You want to know something bad? I don't even know the Disciples of Jesus.
VOTE NOW for this year's Homecoming King and Queen!