We conducted extensive interviews in an effort to assess the viability of each royal member of the Homecoming Court to lead Northwestern University as its Homecoming King or Queen. Kyra Woods made our day. What are you studying?
I'm studying Environmental Engineering in McCormick
So how'd you get your passion for Environmental Engineering?
Good question. So around Junior and Senior year in High School I was involved with my Model United Nations team, and I was actually co-chair of the team that year and I had the opportunity to go to a conference where my partner and I represented a country and our topic to discuss was access to clean water. So that's when I realized that a) access to clean water is really important, and it was devastating to understand how many people don't have access to it and how it affects peoples daily lives, and furthermore that this was going to be an area in which I would be guaranteed a job for the next bajillion years. It's a huge topic right now. And around that time I wanted to combine Engineering with environmental science aspects, thought maybe I'd make my own major and call it Environmental Engineering, and then all of the sudden it came in the mail that there are all these schools with Environmental Engineering, so I was like fuck. It's okay, so that's where that all kind of started.
Where are you from, in like, real life?
I'm from Chicago. The South Side of Chicago in a neighborhood called Beverley. I went to school north of Downtown, so I'm kind of from all over the city, I guess.
Who's the most relevant person to come from your home?
It's funny, a teacher of mine just wrote a blog post which is actually getting some focus here. Well, he's not from Beverley but he also mentors Dallas Wright, who graduated, and he's also from Beverley. He's a pretty relevant person, I liked Dallas a lot.
So then why did you choose to come to Northwestern?
Truth be told, Northwestern was I think one of the last schools that I picked. I was set on leaving Chicago, leaving Illinois. I like travelling and I like seeing a lot of different places, and I think it would be cool to at least experience a different place, call someplace else my alma mater. And then I got into schools all in the midwest. But looking at the school I thought this school is the most well-rounded school. I knew that I wanted to study engineering, and I got into all engineering schools, but I said, if I didn't study engineering, which school would I rather be at?
My Mom also went here. She didn't pressure me at all to apply or choose it, but as soon as I said "oh, by the way, I think I'm going to go to your school, she said," [squeals] And I'm far enough that my Mom has to give me notice, she can't just show up at my door. It gives me time to clean up my room and give people notice that they need to clear out because my mom's coming back, but it's great to be close enough if I want to go back home.
A question that nobody's answered, to my knowledge, so far, but we have to ask: If you had to marry, kill, and screw somebody on the Homecoming Court, who would it be?
Wow. I don't want to kill anybody, but while we were married, Yando and I would have a really fun life. Actually, all of the guys would be pretty great. Yando or Kam.
Could you please describe your ideal date with Kam? What would happen?
It would likely be a really layered date.
["Oh my God your hair looks great," interjects one female passerby. I assume she's talking to Kyra. "I would screw Kirk," the girl continues, "I mean, have you seen him dance?"]
So okay, it would be a multi-part date. There would be one part that would be really classy, like dinner on a boat. And then we'd go do something, because he's that kind of guy -- I think. He'd take the boat to the other place, and it would be something like paragliding or an adventure, not on an island, but on a different place. And then maybe we would some other mode of transportation back to someplace else, and then we'd do something I'd like to do, like stargazing or being out in nature at night. And then he'd drive me home.
Maybe we'd cook together? That would also be a Kam-ish date. I really don't know.
I haven't even met the man. Would you rule the Homecoming Court like Chief Justice Roberts on the Supreme Court or LeBron James on the basketball court?
LeBron has a lot of shit sometimes. But any Justice gets a lot of shit, and that's for a life-time. So I'm going to go with LeBron.
Can you please define 'Northwestern hot?'
I don't know. I think we all appreciate, like, the intellectual part of someone. It just depends what part of the spectrum you're interested in. I know that I like smart guys, but not like nerdy nerdy guys. I like guys that can teach me things, guys with quirky passions or guys who are really into something. I appreciate it because I talk a lot, and I can sometimes come off as a know-it-all to some people, but I like it when people can engage me. Northwestern hot certainly isn't dumb. People say that we wear some thick goggles. I actually think that you boys have really good choices. I think the ladies here are quite attractive.
I'd say so, yeah.
Are you dating someone now?
[Is she coming onto me? Do I get a sash now?]
Does she go here?
On that note, Karl Marx once said that "social progress can be measured exactly by the social position of the fair sex, the ugly ones included." Discuss.
Say it again.
Karl Marx once said that "social progress can be measured exactly by the social position of the fair sex, the ugly ones included." Discuss.
I wish you could record my face during this. Well, I guess there's progress to be made, but we're doing pretty alright.
On a scale of 0 to 1, how would you rate your comprehension of the binary system?
Great. How would you use your position as Homecoming Queen to further a two-state solution in Israel?
As someone who aspires to Environmental Engineering, potentially I may find myself in the political arena at some point. Being able to wield some sort of sway ever, maybe, potentially. You know? Leading from a prestigious institution with a tech degree, who knows, maybe I could bring world peace, and clean water too.
Can you describe your favorite childhood pet?
Okay, so my favorite childhood pet, he didn't last very long. I convinced my mother not to kill the worm that she found while she was gardening. She was going to like toss it, but I figured it was better to keep him home in a jar, and I packed a cup with dirt so he would have the ground. We put him in and I packed him, I packed a lot of dirt in there. I think he was moving around for a bit in there, but I don't think he made it two days. My mom was like, "I think you killed the worm." And I was like, "No Mom, I saved him!" She said "No, sweetheart."
So what's your favorite book?
Okay, only because I can't think of something much more relevant. I just recently bought the book Goodnight Moon for my friend who is going to have a baby, which just blew my mind. But I said this is a book that I still remember, and I definitely believe in gifts that last for a long time. It's a classic, and I remember as I was trying to decide with another friend what book we should get I remember myself quoting parts of it in my head, so I thought let's do this one.
Which of these two animals would you consider to be your spirit animal: the Silverback Gorilla or a Rabid Mutt?
A silverback gorilla? It's just a regular gorilla, right? Or a rabid dog -- mutt. I'm going to go with neither.
Where would you rank President Harding in terms of all the U.S. Presidents, where would he rank if you had to estimate the circumference of his right nipple? Middle... Small? Larger than average? His right nipple. His right, not the right nipple as you look at it.
Can you talk about your favorite Taylor Swift song and how it represents what you've learned in your life about overcoming adversity?
Hmmmm. So I don't know them all by name. But the new one that just got out right now, "We are never ever getting back together," right? I have never really experienced that in my life, so I guess it's not that accurate.
You've never experienced not getting back together with an ex?
No. My ex and I have never gotten back together, but I've never felt that adamant about not getting back together with someone. But I do appreciate her clarity. She's really declaring it in that song. I feel like she's kind of a wish-washy person, but I feel like she would have to tell herself over again I'm not doing X, Y, and Z ever. Ever! EVER!
Okay, so imagine you decided to start a business selling tampons. How do you make your product stand out and not seem like just another tampon?
Hmmmmmmmmm. Well, I think the market's pretty okay, I'm pretty satisfied with the ones out there. Shrug?
Sidenote: I'm working at this startup company, it's like an incubator so there are a bunch of different startup companies. I think that's what one of them is doing.
On that note, if given the choice, would you rather be eaten by a shark in the Atlantic or the Pacific Ocean?
I'm closer to the Atlantic, so I could get home faster. But it's really cold over there.I don't know. Maybe the Pacific. I've never been west.
Boxers or briefs?
Hmmm. I guess it kind of depends what you're packing. But boxers have a lot of different designs for guys. You can personalize them to you, your style.
In 15 words or less, can you please explain string theory?
Now what we're going to do is give you the setup for a joke, and then in 30 seconds or less we want you to come up with the punchline. Are you ready? Knock knock.
That's your punchline? Here's a different one. So sine, cosine, and tangent walk into a bar.
[silence, punctuated only by the Otis Redding playing at Norbucks]
What did cosine say to tangent?
That's great. If all the members of the Homecoming Court were a Harry Potter book, which one would Yando be?
The Sorcerer's Stone. He'd be the first one. Because he's got a lot of energy and very frequently you get a little YEAAAH feeling. I feel like Harry Potter definitely still had some spunk back then. It was when he finally realized that he's a wizard, you know? I feel like he'd have the energy and spunk of Yando.
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