Commentary: The Leaves Are Changing Colors, The Smell of Autumn Is in the Air, and I Need Immediate Medical Attention

I’ve heard people try and argue that spring and summer—and even occasionally winter—are the best times of the year, but for me there’s nothing quite like that first day when I can walk outside and feel that brisk fall air, notice the crunch of dry leaves beneath my feet, and realize that I have a gaping wound in my abdomen that is in desperate need of immediate medical attention.

Maybe it’s the feeling I get when I can sit down on my porch with a good book and a warm mug of apple cider, maybe it’s the sense of community I feel when football season rolls around again, but one thing’s for sure: I am losing a lot of blood and I’m not sure what will happen if I don’t get to the hospital soon. Mmm…I can already smell the sweet aroma of pumpkin pie coming from my grandmother’s kitchen on Thanksgiving, assuming I make it that far.

Autumn is the season of harvests. It’s when the birds start to fly south for the winter, the days start to get shorter, and—Jesus Christ, I think I gave the ambulance the wrong address! It could be the crisp breeze that is a hallmark reminder that celebrations like Oktoberfest and Halloween are right around the corner, or it could be the deep gash in my stomach that’s hemorrhaging blood, but for some reason I can’t think straight…I’m going to pass out any minute. You know what I haven’t done since I was little? Apple picking. I should try to find out if there are any orchards nearby.