GLO in the Spotlight: Medium-Sized Black Holes eat SESP Students like Messy Toddlers

It’s been about two weeks now since Northwestern researchers discovered the effect that black holes have on passing stars- they get slurped up like delicious, delicious oysters. Everyone knows that since we discovered this information, it’s ours and we can fuck around however we want with it. Science is a game and testing the boundaries of our universe is but a plaything.

To further their research, NU astrophysicists have opened up collaboration with the Global Learning Office. Medium-sized black holes throughout the galaxy will be offered on next year's roster of study-abroad destinations.

To test out the new offerings, GLO sent class of ‘25 Learning and Organizational Change student Jared. He has been in space for about an hour now. We transmitted him a few questions.

How are things going out there, Jared?

"Ow, ow, ow, holy shit. Holy shit. Make it stop. Please, God, let me come back. I miss dartying. Spaghettification is no joke. Tell my mother I love her and that I'm sorry I told her new boyfriend Paul to ‘get spaghettified’ when he asked me to call him dad."

Have you experienced any unexpected culture shocks since arriving at your host hole?

"Aw fuck, there goes my skin."

Do you have any advice for students who are thinking of studying abroad in the future?

"Go to Prague. GO TO PRAGUE. Fuck fuck DO NOT GO TO SPACE oh no my toes."*.

-Jared, SESP '25

Anyways, for anyone still floundering about what to wear to Planet Dillo, we recommend modeling Jared’s look of matted hair and cannibalized flesh covered in moon goo!** The perfect balance between not too tacky and just slutty enough!

*In loving memory of Jared's, SESP '25, toes and skin (2003-2023)

**The GLO does not provide space suits and is not liable for any injury including, but not limited to, eyeball eruption, the sniffles, an overwhelming sense that you've made the wrong decision at every turn, moon goo overdose, and hemorrhoids.