Hi.

 

The 6 Guys Left in Evanston to Fuck This Summer

The 6 Guys Left in Evanston to Fuck This Summer

So, you didn’t get your dream internship in New York-- and instead you’ve told your parents you’re “saving up” by serving overcooked fusilli at La Macc during the weekdays, and lying prone face down on the lakefill and sobbing to yourself during the weekends. But the question remains: Who are you going to fuck this summer when everyone is gone? Lucky for you there are exactly six guys left in Evanston, and Sherman Ave is here to give you the breakdown on who you should be breaking down, sexually.

 

SIGP JARED

College-Student-Thumbs-Up-e1440734712137.jpg

Pros:

  • His entire SIGP is going to buying top-shelf weed
  • His roommates were too lazy to get subletters so you have the whole apartment to yourselves
  • Literally is available 24/7 because he doesn’t have a job

Cons:

  • Is currently writing a play set on a subway
  • Is one Bonnaroo away from getting addicted to PCP
  • Doesn’t give head

CONSULTING BRIAN

College-Student-938x535.jpg

Pros:

  • Is making $10,000 a month at Wells Fargo despite getting a C in Microeconomics
  • Lives in Evanston Place so you can play bocce ball on the terrace
  • You both watch Stranger Things

 

Cons:

  • Doesn’t shave his pubes
  • Is in an open relationship with a long distance girlfriend that he WILL tell you about
  • Sometimes refers to you as a “wench”

HOT STEVE

male-college-student-backpack.jpeg

Pros:

  • Is hot
  • Fucks good
  • Will sex you into oblivion

Cons:

  • You thought he would be in Evanston this summer but he got a job at Deloitte last minute super lucky, but if you need a subletter his room is totally available for a discount
  • Fuck
  • Fuck

LORENZO FROM LA MACC

KeatonEmeryJPG.jpg

Pros:

  • Free tequila boom boom shots
  • Will teach you the right way to pronounce “bruschetta”
  • Can’t beat the convenience

Cons:

  • He will ask you to marry him on the fourth date
  • Reminds you of your dad and not in the fun way
  • Is fully 36 years old

VICTOR, A FRIEND OF A FRIEND WHO SAID “WE SHOULD TOTALLY GRAB LUNCH SOMETIME SINCE WE’RE BOTH AROUND”

iStock_000060783206_Medium.160415.jpg

Pros:

  • Your friend seems to like him but also she kinda has bad taste in friends so
  • Long tongue
  • You will never see him again come September

Cons:

  • Won’t fuck you unless he drinks two Blue Moons to get his confidence up
  • Insists on cuddling for two hours every time you have sex
  • The only thing you have in common is that you go to Northwestern

PAUL, YOUR SUBLETTER

THT.jpg

Pros:

  • Does the dishes without being asked
  • Silent as a ghost in the night, which is kinda hot
  • Studies something science-y? You’re pretty sure it’s cool though.

Cons:

  • Will ruin your life
  • Please don’t do this it will actually make your life so difficult
  • Weird shaped head
Straight Woman Kisses Sorority Sister At Pride, Ends Homophobia

Straight Woman Kisses Sorority Sister At Pride, Ends Homophobia

Divvy Bike and Brew Bike Collab to Form World's Most Expensive Bike

Divvy Bike and Brew Bike Collab to Form World's Most Expensive Bike