Southern Freshman Who Doesn’t Understand the Concept of “Layering” Shows up to Class With a 3-Tier Cake

Let me paint you a picture: Sarah Pulsker, a Medill freshman, and her long-distance boyfriend both have Ecclesiastes 4:9 in their Instagram bios—that’s the verse about two being better than one. She is from the sunny town of Savannah, Georgia, and dreams of writing full time for Spoon University. A small-town girl with big dreams finally gets out to the big city: Evanston, IL. She arrives to 85 and sunny and thinks she’s set. Little does she know…

One fateful day in mid-October, the temperature dips below 50. Sarah, in a panic, knocks on her RA’s door (Lincoln, of course). Her RA stares her straight in the eyes with the gaze of a great white shark going in for the kill and says one thing—“layer”.

She runs to the communal kitchen on her floor and, in a flurry, in the last 45 minutes before Journalism 101, she whips up a masterpiece. She steps outside in her strapless Lilly Pulitzer dress and Jack Rogers sandals, and under bright gray skies and beautiful rotten leaf canopy, she hoists her three-tier cake into the air with a defiant scream.

Suddenly, much like the parting of the Red Sea, a single beam of sunlight streams through the gray. Sarah’s cake is lifted into the air and vanishes in a bright beam. Her sacrifice has pleased them. Sarah is lifted on a sunbeam and transported all the way to McTrib. Thank god for layering.

Want to hear more about Sarah? Stay tuned for our exposé on John Patrick Tweebly, her god-fearing boyfriend of three years, and how much he’s cheating on her at Baylor.