Student Attempts to Reveal Infidelity to Girlfriend During Primal Scream
EVANSTON, IL – DEVELOPING STORY: It was reported yesterday that freshman Eric Johnson tried to do the noble thing by informing his girlfriend Caroline that he had sex with her best friend Susan. However, Eric’s timing could not have been more terrible. Finally mustering up the courage to break the news to his girlfriend of three years, Johnson attempted to speak at exactly 9pm on Sunday evening, according to reports.
Due to the notorious quarterly primal scream, his girlfriend did not hear his confession. An eyewitness (read: a creepy kid down the hall who heard the exchange whilst walking back from the bathroom) says the conversation probably went something like this. “Listen Caroline, I’m really sorry but I accidentally inserted my penis into your friend Susan’s vagina. I think she gave me herpes. I really did love you.” Fortunately for Johnson, the primal scream ended right as the words “love you” left his mouth.
UPDATE: Reports confirmed the couple is still dating and Caroline has no idea that Eric and Susan had sex. Caroline and Susan are still best friends. Susan has even suggested a threesome! Fucking Eric failed his orgo final. Piece of shit.