Sociology Professor's Discussion Section Would Have Solved Racism if Anyone Attended

Weinberg “Race and Society” professor Herman Moring has departed Northwestern University, citing his reason for leaving as a disappointing lack of attendance at class discussions which, if they had actually gone according to his syllabus, would have definitely solved racism by now.

“This was going to be the year,” Moring said as he left his office in the sociology department, “the syllabus was perfect, the TAs were well-prepared. If the goddamn students had just shown up, they might have learned something, grown a little, and effectively created a post-racial society.”

While this strong statement has been met with some skepticism by fellow faculty members and students alike, interim president of the NAACP Lorraine Miller agreed with Moring. “Wow,” she said, after flipping through the reading list Moring had carefully assembled that was entirely ignored by apathetic students once they noticed that the class grade was 40% participation, “Yeah, this was it. This was the one. I guess I should be thanking the students for not showing up, because I’d be sitting here packing up MY office right now.”

While students in the class expressed regret over the part they played in prolonging one of society’s worse injustices, some protested that they didn’t have much of a choice. “Sure, racism sucks,” said Quinn Tandy, a junior who went to two discussion sections during the 11-week quarter, “But so do 8 AM discussion sections on Fridays, y’know? Not to equate the two, but like, racism doesn’t really affect me. Lack of sleep definitely does.”

As of publication, Moring was no longer with Northwestern University. Racism, however, is still active and well.