“Again??” After Mix-up, A&O Organizers Escort Distraught Damien Chazelle Offstage

Well, you know what they say: You can’t spell PricewaterhouseCooper without A&O.

Hundreds of students packed Ryan Auditorium yesterday evening for a screening of Best Picture winner Moonlight, with a talk by director Barry Jenkins. However, much to the surprise of everyone in the room, it was Damien Chazelle, director of the white phantasmagoria La La Land, who emerged from the wings as the lights began to dim.

“Look at all these someone’s in the crowd!” He shouted as he emerged in an all-white tuxedo, smiling at a suddenly confused expanse of Northwestern students. “I don’t know about you,” he crowed, “but it looks to me like the real city of stars is right here in Evanston, Illinois!”

It was at that point that Chazelle turned around and noticed that instead of an impromptu dance number unfolding on an LA freeway, the screen displayed a beautifully choreographed opening shot of a slowly swirling Miami street. “You’ve gotta be f*ckin’ kidding me,” he whispered to himself as two A&O representatives emerged to walk him offstage and back to his Tesla S with “Pussy King” vanity license plates.

“We would sincerely like to apologize for the mix-up,”said an A&O representative in a public statement to the student body, “it turns out that Damien Chazelle and Barry Jenkins’ phone numbers are one digit apart, and a member of our outreach department accidentally called both. We’ve released those responsible, and can assure this won’t happen again.”

The screening of Moonlight continued without a hitch. Chazelle was last seen weeping profusely, as Barry Jenkins fed him teddy grahams out of his hand, pet his head, and assured him that everything would be okay.