Wow: Now You Can Pay People With Your Soul on Venmo
Venmo has always been revolutionary in the way it allows its users to treat money. For many, Venmo, along with credit cards, has made physical currency a thing of the past. However, with its new update, Venmo has changed the game yet again, by allowing its users to send other people their soul as a form of payment.
Most people think that their soul is bound to their living body, their corporeal soma, until the eventual sweet release of death. A few think that they can sell their soul to the devil, just as blues musician Robert Johnson did at a crossroads in Clarksdale, Mississippi in the early 1900s and Dick Cheney did in the forest in back of his childhood home at age 9. But now, thanks to Venmo, your soul is nothing more than currency that can be traded for basic goods and services. Amazing!
What’s more, Venmo has assured people that giving their soul away is a completely painless process! After making the exchange, most users report no physical discomfort, complaining only about a feeling of internal hollowness that will cause them torturous mental agony for all eternity. Even in death, they will still feel a husk of their former selves, all thanks to Venmo. Incredible!
It’s really easy to use Venmo’s new soul payment feature. Instead of entering a number on the payment amount line, simply press the new “soul” button on Venmo’s number pad. If you want, you can request other people to send you their souls as well. It’s truly incredible how far technology has come.