Watch Out: Christmas Tree Goblins May Cause You Trouble This Holiday Season
If you’re planning on buying or felling a tree this Christmas, you’d best inspect it carefully before bringing it into your house. The number of Christmas tree goblin attacks is on the rise this year, and experts don’t expect a reversal in the trend any time soon. For those of you who are unaware, Christmas tree goblins are squat green creatures that hide in the branches of popular Christmas tree species, like Douglas firs and Norway spruces. In the outdoors, they are harmless. However, once brought into the homes of holiday revelers, Christmas tree goblins wreak all kinds of havoc. From vandalism and mail theft to arson and murder, no felony has been left uncommitted by Christmas tree goblins.
The numbers are scary. 15% of Americans asked in a recent poll report falling victim to a Christmas tree goblin attack in the past year, up from 9% in 2014 and 7% in 2013. Many of the attacks have been comparatively minor, with instances of minor property theft and loitering comprising more than half of all attacks. However, at least 30 people have been murdered by Christmas tree goblins in 2015.
Christmas tree goblins’ green hide can make them difficult to spot in the foliage of Christmas trees. There are, luckily, some other ways to tell if a goblin is hiding in your tree. Since Christmas tree goblins subsist entirely on tree sap, bite marks in a tree’s trunk may indicate the presence of a goblin. Additionally, Christmas tree goblins’ feces are pyramid shaped, so small, pyramidal pieces of dung around a tree’s trunk may suggest that a goblin has taken up residence in the tree.
Whether you’re shopping for a tree or chopping one down yourself this year, make sure you keep your wits about you. Don’t bring a goblin into your home accidentally; if you do, the results could be dire. Christmas tree goblins get stronger with every felony they commit, and it’s important you and your family don’t play a role in that process.
Watch your back! Don’t fall victim to a Christmas tree goblin attack!