Sherman Ave Homecoming Court Interviews: Eliza Abramson
In the past two weeks Sherman Ave has interviewed the 12 members of Northwestern’s 2015 Homecoming Court to have them reflect on their Northwestern experience, their relevant resume experience section (MS Word proficient, woo!), the mathematical relationship between radius and Raekwon, and the tragic hero story of the app Yelp.
In this installment we talk with Eliza Abramson about starting shit with the rest of the Homecoming Court, why she's firmly and irrationally anti-puppies, and the traumatizing concept of a child having a Norris basement birthday party.
Ammonia$ta Dribbling: Obviously your bio online says where you’re from, what you’re studying, but tell us a little bit more about what you have been involved with on campus.
Eliza Abramson: I would say that the two biggest organizations I’ve been involved with are A&O and Mayfest. I joined A&O my freshman year and kind of drank the Kool-aid and it was great and then got involved with Mayfest my sophomore year, so that was really fun. I’ve also done some stuff with student government, but to a lesser extent.
AD: What would you say your greatest memory being involved with any of those has been?
EA: Last year for Mayfest, I got to work on the Second Stage, which was new. I guess that was two years ago now, but then it was new, so it was a really cool thing to get to do because no one had ever seen a Second Stage show, so I got to help shape what that would look like, and I got to work with WNUR, and the kids are so cool. Way too cool for me. So I got to spend a lot of time with them which was really fun, so that was great.
AD: Awesome. So what would you say was your proudest moment at Northwestern has been so far?
EA: So this happened last weekend, but my friend and I are dumb and impulsive and “yolo seniors no regrets” and all that stuff, so we drove down to North Carolina for the Duke game, and it was my ultimate school spirit moment, driving 16 hours for a football game and then turning around and driving back through, for lack of a better term, bumblefuck America. So, I think that’s my proudest moment at Northwestern.
Ladysmith Black Tar Heroin M’baso: Awesome, do you have any secret talents?
EA: Ooh, well, it’s not a talent anymore, but I used to be really good at chess. When I was eight, I went to the National Chess Tournament in Florida, which is like my proudest and most embarrassing fun fact, so yeah.
AD: So, speaking of embarrassing things, what would you say your most embarrassing middle school moment was?
EA: Let me think, that was a long time ago. Oh, this is kind of generic but like, my Bat Mitzvah, by far. That’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to anyone.
LBTHM: What was the theme?
EA: So there was no theme because I couldn’t figure my shit out, but everything was purple, so maybe it’s fate I ended up at Northwestern. It was just so awful.
LBTHM: Any giveaways?
EA: Yes, we did these cool chocolate bars, and you know those horrendous hats that you can get spray painted? We did that, which like, I thought was really cool.
LBTHM: Yes!
AD: Oooh
EA: In retrospect, I don’t understand why anyone would ever want one of those, but just everything, start to finish about my Bat Mitzvah was the most embarrassing.
LBTHM: Okay, so what are your top three cereals and then your top three serial killers?
EA: Okay top three cereals, top three serial killers. Top three cereals, number one would have to be Special K.
AD: Like, any Special K?
EA: No. Red Berries, has to be. The rest of them are absolutely god-awful, don’t ever buy them, but the Red Berries are delicious. I think they put some kind of drugs in the Red Berries. Next would be Cocoa Pebbles, which is weird because I don’t like chocolate milk, and I feel like that’s the thing that everyone loves, when they get the chocolate milk after. And then Honey Nut Cheerios. Not regular Cheerios, Honey Nut Cheerios. Okay. Top three cereal killers. God, I really don’t know. I don’t even know if I could name three cereal killers.
LBTHM: Probably for the best.
EA: When I was younger, one night I thought I was a badass, and watched one of those late night, Dateline or whatever, and was absolutely traumatized, and so I try to avoid all things like that. My biggest fear is getting snatched. Taken, you know.
LBTHM: I don’t think I could name a serial killer that wasn’t a character on SVU.
EA: I stay away from SVU. Too scary.
AD: So if you were taken, who would you want your Liam Neeson to be… from the Homecoming Court?
EA: Oh, I want Momo to take me. Momo can be my Liam Neeson. Momo can be my anything. She’s one of my best friends. We met on the first day of freshmen year.
LBTHM: Are you nervous about having to compete with her in this cutthroat homecoming race?
EA: Is homecoming really cutthroat?
AD: It’s a huge deal
LBTHM: This is really important.
EA: Definitely a step above those dumb ASG elections. But yeah, I could take her. I’m ready for the competition. Bring it on.
AD: So as Homecoming Queen, how would you “Make America Great Again”?
EA: How would I make America great again? I think it would involve Trump, honestly. I think that some kind of consistent parody. I think it’s so fun to watch…I watch Trump videos all the time, and I really don’t think he should go away when he is not president.
LBTHM: So, apparently two years ago we seized the opportunity to shit on you for posting a Daily article about Exam Relief on the last day of finals.
EA: (reads tweet) Oh, I did get shit on for that! Was that you?
LBTHM: So we just wanted to know if you accepted our apology.
EA: Oh yeah. 100%. I got some hate mail.
LBTHM: Really? From who?
EA: Randos.
LBTHM: Not the University?
EA: No.
LBTHM: I read it. You raised some good points.
EA: Yeah. People’s parents also reached out to me and were like, “Thank you.” And some people were just so angry. I got called an “Ignorant Comm Major.” That was a good day.
LBTHM: So you seem to think that 24 hour Norris is not inspiring healthy activities.
EA: I would agree.
AD: I know someone who stayed in Norris for 24 hours.
EA: So that’s the thing. I have also stayed here for 24 hours. It was dark. I don’t think it’s the best thing for anyone. Does that paper really matter? No.
LBTHM: Can we keep the puppies?
EA: Yes. We can keep the puppies.
AD: In your homecoming profile, you said you were really excited to get to know everyone on the Homecoming Court, but are you sure you can trust them?
EA: I haven’t met most of them yet. I know some of them from different places. They all seem like genuine people. I’ve read their bios. It seems like everyone is ready to talk about themselves, which everyone at Northwestern is.
AD: So who do you trust the least out of them?
EA: Out of all of them?
AD: Our main goal is to start beef between all of you.
LBTHM: That’s why we’re here.
EA: Definitely Kenny. I know him. Kenny is one of the nicest people you will ever meet at Northwestern, and maybe it’s all a ploy. Kenny has this great memory where he remembers the first time he met you. He just knows. And he remembers everything about you. So maybe it’s all a little bit of a ploy. Or maybe he’s just a nice guy. But probably a ploy.
AD: Anyone who’s nice here is faking it. They just think you can get them a job.
LBTHM: Or better. An internship.
EA: That’s so real. I’m very unemployed and probably will be forever. Can you get me a job?
LBTHM: (Laughs) I’m going into theatre, so I understand. We also noticed that in your homecoming profile you failed to mention the Hawkeyes. Is that because you think we’re going to lose?
EA: Well, considering I just drove for three days to see Northwestern play a football game, I now consider pretty much anything is possible so I think there’s a chance we win. I don’t really like the Hawkeyes fans. There not as bad as the people from Nebraska. I’m sorry if either of you are from Nebraska.
LBTHM: I’m not and that’s one of my favorite things about myself.
EA: Yeah, me too. I drove through Nebraska once. It was awful. But the Hawkeyes aren’t as bad.
AD: What is the percentage chance that we win the Rose Bowl this year?
EA: That we will win the Rose Bowl?
AD: Yeah. I’m positive that we’re going to make it, but do you think that we will win?
EA: We’re definitely going to make it. I mean, we’re ranked now.
AD: Right, right.
LMTHM: Real football.
AD: What is the top item on your senior year bucket list? Do you have a bucket list?
EA: So I’m working on it. It’s growing. There’s a lot I haven’t done yet which is kinda sad. I want to go on the roof of a building. Maybe this building [Norris]. That’s number one.
LMTHM: Also, Norris is currently featured in your Facebook profile picture.
EA: It is.
LMTHM: Can you just talk a little bit about your relationship with Norris?
EA: So my roommate and I have the biggest love-hate relationship with this building. But we really wanted a first day of school picture with a stoop. I’m from Brooklyn. I need that. I have my first day of Kindergarten picture on one. But we live in an apartment building and there’s no stoop, so the best option was Norris. It’s like our second home so it works. We actually got up early to that photo. But by time I was going to post the picture, too many stoop jokes had already been made. So, we steered away from the stoop joke per intellectual property rights. But it’s great.
AD: What do you think Norris is missing?
EA: A bar. Fun fact, Norris used to have a bar and there are talks to bring it back in the new Norris. But maybe if there was a competition for that? But yes. Alcohol definitely is what missing.
AD: That’d be pretty sweet.
EA: Yeah! Talk about something that would help students. Cut the pressure, hopefully.
LMTHM: So you’re a Mayfest co-chair.
EA: I am.
LMTHM: Can I be a Dillo performer?
EA: Yes. Oh, 100%. I can’t lie, so. LMTHM: I have a very complicated and demanding rider.
EA: Are you in an a cappella group?
LMTHM: No.
EA: So we’re really going after a cappella this year. That’s the goal. But maybe we can start with some sort of solo performance with random people.
LMTHM: Wow, I really showed up on the right day. EA: Yeah, so let me get your info. We’ll make sure to sign you up on the Listserv. We’ll be all set.
AD: Do you have any tactics planned to assert control over the wind this year for Dillo? EA: Yeah, so I’ve thought about this a lot unfortunately. Initial thoughts were maybe we move Dillo to the winter so we can really challenge ourselves to combat serious elements. But with the wind, you know, I don’t really know. I don’t really know with the wind, but maybe for rain we can give everyone those hats with the little umbrella sticking off? You should look them up. Amazon--I’ve checked. So they’re like the little hats with the little cover. I think that would help make people a little happier.
LMBTH: There are actually a lot of rooms you can reserve on 25Live in Locy. Would you be willing to consider that as an alternative location?
EA: Yeah. Maybe. Have you ever been to the Casbah room in Norris? It’s downstairs in the basement. And actually little kids rent it out for their birthdays. Like ice cream cakes and everything. So I know you could rent it. So that could be a good back up to look into.
AD: I can’t believe kids would actually have their birthday party here.
EA: Off the record, on the record. I really think you should go down there one day when there’s a birthday party because it’s truly terrifying. Like, can you imagine if your parents were like, “We’re going to have your birthday party in the basement of the University Center.” No.
AD: I feel like the game room could be fun though. But I feel like there are other arcades to rent out.
LMBTH: Yeah, that aren’t full of college students.
EA: Or, like, play bingo or something. I don’t know. Don’t have your birthday in Norris. That’s traumatizing.
LMBTH: The sad thing is that we all do.
EA: Yeah. Exactly. I didn’t have my birthday in Norris, but that’s not a bad idea.
LMBTH: The only reason I didn’t have mine here is because my birthday is over winter break. Otherwise I would have been here with my own cake trying to get the little kids to let me play with them.
(Laughter all around)
LMBTH: I guess it’s probably time to wrap stuff up. Last question, what advice do you have for freshmen as they go into their next four years at Northwestern?
EA: Well, in sticking with sophomore year Eliza and her little anecdotes about finals week, I’d say don’t sleep in Norris. But if you’re going to learn anything from me, don’t do it. And then, second to that, don’t write your thoughts on sleeping in Norris in an article for The Daily because you’ll get hate mail.
Afraid that you'll get hate mail if you write for the Daily? Want to publish under a ~hilarious~ sheudonym? Apply for Sherman Ave!
