Sherman Ave Freshman Guide: Wildcat Welcome Week
First of all, I would like to preface this article by stating that all of you incoming freshmen are lucky bastards. Wildcat Welcome Week is easily one of the greatest weeks in college (I see you, Halloweek). It is literally a week of debauchery and a few early morning events that the University believes will deter you from drinking. Wildcat Welcome Week will be your first taste of true college freedom and tons of upperclassmen will be on campus with nothing to do but twirl their thumbs and do their best to corrupt the shit out of you.
Here, I will present you with a general checklist of things you may encounter during WWW, and how to approach them with maximum heinousness.
MOVE IN Prepare for an awkward first encounter with your roommate’s parents and plenty of “I mean, I guess I don’t really care…” over who gets the top bunk. Be wary of the top bunk. Climbing the non-existent ladder will almost always end in tears and you passing out in fetal position on your area rug, hugging a handle of cheap vodka. Also, prepare to realize that you brought a lot of unnecessary shit. However, keep all costume articles of clothing. They will always come in handy.
Another word of advice: Have your mother arrive to your dorm early to deep clean that shit. I mean, what else are moms for? Amirite?! (If you’re reading this mom: you’re the wind beneath my wings).
REQUIRED WWW EVENTS Some of these events will make you feel worse about your self-esteem than if you looked like Christina Aguilera post break-up. Some of the lectures and performances make you wonder 'what the hell have I been doing with my life?' And if you’re feeling good about the choices you’ve been making, just wait ‘til the end of fall quarter. Fall quarter freshman year gets us all…
Go to these events and make some friends. You’ll get tons of free shit (have no shame when taking multiples of the good stuff).
MARCH THROUGH THE ARCH Suck it up, put on your class t-shirt, and walk through that not-as-old-as-they-make-it-seem arch so your mother can take blurry pictures and send them to your Aunt Janet out in Iowa. She’ll love that shit.
STUDY HAHAH JK LOL THERE’S NO CLASSES. GET DRUNK INSTEAD.
SLEEP Prepare to get very little sleep, and/or very little sleep in your own bed (I hope you’re picking up what I’m putting down). But suck it up because YOLO and all that.
LET’S GET WEIRD: Take every advantage to get wasted and stumble into some house full of strange (yet attractive) men and women. This is the one week where anything goes. It is the Mardi Gras of Northwestern, minus the beads (although flashing still probably occurs… I won’t discount it, especially during the song "Rack City"). Head out to some parties with a few friends – but whatever you do, DO NOT TRAVEL IN PACKS OF MORE THAN LIKE 5 PEOPLE. Everyone will hate you and all that you stand for, and no one will let you in the front door after Welcome Week.
Use these rage-tastic opportunities to meet new friends and make connections in the party circuit, which you will be desperately craving once school starts and you want to stab your eyes out with your USB drive on a daily basis.
Enjoy welcome week please. It is my dream to live in a constant WWW-state, so do me a favor and meet some friends, make out with some strangers, and soak up every alcohol-saturated minute.
Other bits of advice from my fellow Sherman Ave trainwrecks: Dr. Tattersail – “Use your smart phone to get places. You will get lost anyway, but this way you can blame a bad 3G connection as opposed to accepting responsibility.”
Ross Packingham – “For the love of all that is good, avoid the slutty midget hookers. Not worth the money, not worth the burn.”
Manua Hiki-Hiki – “Also, like Dillo Day - welcome week is a marathon, not a sprint - but if you try to sprint a marathon you may just finish faster than everyone else so do it.”
Sir Edward Twattingworth III – “Use the activities fair thing to find awesome student groups, NOT PREGAMING IT LIKE SOME PEOPLE MAY HAVE DONE.”
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