Sherman Ave Freshman Guide: The Do's and Don'ts of Being a Pre-med
Congratulations on your acceptance to Weinberg College of Arts and Sceinces! It’s a magical place where humanities majors do whatever it is they do while premeds commiserate. If your parents are pressuring you into becoming a doctor you’re thinking about going pre-med, you sure as hell better study this guide before stepping foot into Chem 101.
DO go to office hours. That shit is helpful. Also, figure out a systematic way to study that works for you and your brain. It’s a process of trial and error, but once you figure it out you’ll be a rock star.
…that’s actually the only “Do” I can think of, because did I mention that I’m a Sherman Ave writer so I don’t have my shit together?
Some “Don’ts” that I learned (or am still learning) the hard way:
DON’T whine. Believe me, your friends will grow unbelievably sick of hearing you harp about how much orgo you need to study or how long it has been since you were blackout.
DON’T buy a new graphing calculator. Not even if your mom has a Target coupon. You don’t need any sort of fancy calculator to be pre-med. That brightly colored TI-84 Plus that got you through high school calculus will do just fine.
DON’T schedule your physics lab for 8-10 pm on a Thursday. I don’t give a flying dick how bad your registration time was. Don’t fucking do it. I have Thursday night labs this quarter and it is literally a sick, twisted manifestation of hell. If I had a dollar for every formal/crush party/date night/evening with Josh Radnor that I missed out on because of this cock sucker of a lab time, I’d have… like$4. BUT YOU CAN’T PUT A PRICE ON FUN.
DON’T compare grades. No one cares. Except your mom. So actually, go ahead and call your mom to talk about your grades. You can have that. That’s not hurting anyone.
DON’T treat CTECs as your personal therapist. “I studied soooooo hard, but the curve was like sooo unfair, and I just felt like I put in so much effort but maybe I wasn’t studying the right way, so maybe if I had made flashcards or gone to office hours, but even then I’m not sure because I just like had so much going on in my other premed classes, and also this professor’s tests are just sooooo random so like I don’t know.” Cool story, bro. That was neither constructive nor interesting and I’ve wasted my time reading it.
DON’T complain about gen chem to someone who is in orgo. Unless you want that person to transform into the Condescending Wonka meme and be like “Oh, you’re in Chem 101? Please, tell me how time consuming that is.”
DON’T get discouraged. This one is for realsies. In life, there are moments when you want to throw objects across the room because fuck that. If you’re pre-med at Northwestern, you come upon those moments more frequently than normal. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t do it, that you shouldn’t do it, or that you won’t do it.
And finally, for the love of god, DON’T follow Sherman Ave on Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr/whatever other social media we intend to blaspheme. It will waste time that you just don’t fucking have. Also, it will remind you how long it’s been since you did the rage thing.