Presidential Election Still Entire Year Away, Exhausted Nation Reports

WASHINGTON, D.C. - As the clock struck midnight on November 8th, 2015, the nation let out a collective sigh after realizing that they still had a whole goddamn year before the 2016 Presidential Election was finally done. “Christ, how can they keep going for this long?” Plainsville, Missouri resident Dusty Williams asked himself before shaking his head in disbelief. “I’m not sure how much more of it I can take.”

Across the nation, tired Americans reportedly had to stand up and grab a glass of cold water before they could calm back down after the disheartening realization set in.

Millions of individuals ruminated about the slew of attack ads, political billboards, scandals, and debates that they have already borne witness to, only to swear under their breath as they realized that there would only be more in the coming months.

The nation rolled over in bed and curled up in the covers, taking some solace in the fact that they’ve been through worse. Dave Carter, of Des Moines, told reporters that this was nothing compared to the 2012 election cycle. “The Dems backed Obama early, so the GOP could take shots at him right from the get go. It was ridiculous. I would hear five or ten talking points on the drive to work every single morning - I still get flashbacks sometimes, when I hear somebody say ‘Repeal Obamacare’.”

“There’s no way it’ll get that bad this time around. Yeah, it can’t be that bad. It wouldn’t …” Williams trailed off, staring blankly at the darkened ceiling.

As the nation struggled to fall back asleep, they saw the clock strike 1 am, and felt a little relief that they were an entire hour closer to the day when they would ignore their most important duty as a member of a democracy because the line at the voting booth was too long.