Local Colonialist Mishandles Chopsticks in Norris
On Tuesday afternoon, imperialist actions shocked witnesses in Norris as a student subjugated the entire Japanese population when she mishandled her chopsticks.
Jeremy Matthews, who sat merely feet away, recounted the scene.
"It was traumatic. Watching that blatant display of colonialism ruined my lunch," Matthews said. "White supremacy is real here at Northwestern. I could barely enjoy my Frontera salad."
The woman, identified as Ashlynn McCormick, responded to accusations of racism and cultural appropriation.
"I just wanted something a little spicy," McCormick said. "I’m not a colonialist just because I ate a cucumber roll without soy sauce. In fact, I just put ‘Intro to Asian American Studies’ in my shopping cart for next quarter.”
The polarizing event has divided Northwestern's campus. One student group released a list of demands on Thursday, including ethnically neutral food on campus. The document urges the university to exclusively serve non-hegemonic dishes like mayo and other forms of white paste.
Others have applauded McCormick's actions.
"I think she proved that we can all happily live together on this campus," Jennifer Jacobs said. "White, Japanese, McCormick student- we are all humans."