NOTE: Sherman Ave sent out requests for interviews to each Homecoming King and Queen nominee. Those who were heinous enough to accept were interviewed by Ross Packingham and/or Evander Jones. Seriously, this is real.
Emily Jordan is one of six nominees for Homecoming Queen this year and we were lucky enough to have an interview with her!
Ave: So what are you studying?
Emily: Communication Studies.
Ave: Why did you choose to come to Northwestern?
Emily: It was my dream school, it really was. First choice, early decision. For me, it's just the intersection of so many things that I just couldn't find anywhere else.
Ave: And where are you originally from?
Emily: Black River Falls, Wisconsin. It's very small. It's 3,000 people and it's the biggest town for 50 miles in any direction.
Ave: What are your favorite and least favorite thing about where you’re from?
Emily: My favorite and least favorite thing are combined - that everybody knows everybody. As a child it was great to grow up in that community, but there's absolutely no privacy and everyone knows everyone's business.
Ave: Who is the most relevant person to come from your hometown? It's you, isn't it?
Emily: [laughing] We had a regional newscaster, Selena Heller. She's a pretty big deal.
Ave: Describe your ideal date?
Emily: I feel like a date would be ideal.
Ave: Would you rule the Homecoming Court like Roberts on the Supreme Court, or LeBron James on the hardwood court?
Emily: I would say Lebron.
Ave: If each member of the H-Court were one of the twelve days of Christmas, which would Yando Lopez be?
Emily: Twelve lords-a-leaping, because that's probably the biggest show out of those twelve things, and I feel like Yando is that kind of guy.
Ave: On a scale of 0 to 1, how would you rate your comprehension of the binary system?
Emily: I get it! I get the joke!
Ave: Great, we just needed that validation. How would you use your position as Homecoming King/Queen to further a two-state solution in Israel?
Emily: [laughing] I feel like that would be outside the jurisdiction of Northwestern.
Ave: Describe your favorite childhood pet.
Emily: I had like 8 cats growing up, and they all died in weird ways. We were in the country, so there are just lots of things that can happen. But my favorite is probably the cat that I have right now.
Ave: If one of Henry VIII’s wives had to be your Chem TA, which one would you most want it to be?
Emily: Anne Boleyn, I guess?
Ave: What’s your spirit animal, a silverback gorilla or a rabid mutt?
Emily: Well, silverback gorillas are males, right? So I guess I'd choose a rabid mutt.
Ave: Do you want some radish? Like right now?
Emily: I totally like radishes. When I was little, they were my favorite vegetable. Isn't that weird?
Ave: So which president of the United States do you think had the largest circumference of his right nipple?
Emily: I mean, Taft was so big that he...didn't he get stuck in a bathtub? So I would guess that his nipples are pretty large.
Ave: Talk about your favorite Taylor Swift song and how it represents what you’ve learned throughout your life about overcoming adversity.
Emily: Okay, I have no shame in this. I really love Taylor Swift. She's a wonderful lyricist. Overcoming adversity...I'd say "Our Song." It came out when I was 16. She was from a small-town so a lot of her songs I always related to when I was a teenager.
Ave: Would you dance if I asked you to dance, and would run and never look back?
Emily: Yes.
Ave: If given the choice, would you prefer to be eaten by a shark in the Pacific or Atlantic Ocean?
Emily: Oh my goodness. I feel like I would choose South Pacific because at least it might be a little bit warmer. If you're gonna die, you might as well be comfortable.
Ave: As long as we're on the topic of sharks...I'm gonna give you a situation. So you’re getting married... and your spouse wants to spend a week-long honeymoon in a place without electricity...but the chosen week for your honeymoon is during Shark Week. How do you work around that?
Emily: Here's what I think: I hope to take a honeymoon right after my wedding, and I would have enough foresight to schedule the wedding on a day that wouldn't fall before Shark Week.
Ave: So now we’re going to give you the set-up for a joke and we want you to come up with a punchline in 30 seconds. So...a priest, a rabbi, and Morty Schapiro walk into a bar...
Emily: They all leave, and Morty has converted them to the religion of Purple Pride. He's a convincing guy.
Ave: Okay, last question. Why haven’t you applied to write for Sherman Ave yet?
Emily: It's a very elusive thing, Sherman Ave. I don't know how I'd go about doing that.
Vote for Emily for Homecoming Queen HERE.