NOTE: Sherman Ave sent out requests for interviews to each Homecoming King and Queen nominee. Those who were heinous enough to accept were interviewed by Ross Packingham and/or Evander Jones. Seriously, this is real. Amalia Namath is one of six seniors nominated for Homecoming Queen! Read her interview below!
Ave: Can you remind me how your spell your last name?
Amalia: Namath. N-A-M-A-T-H.
Ave: Like the quarterback?
Amalia: Yeah, we're related! He's a cousin on my dad's side.
Ave: Oh! So what are you studying?
Amalia: English literature and I'm on a pre-med track.
Ave: So when did you discover your passion for English literature?
Amalia: I'm pretty sure it was when I scared my family by learning to read at a very, very young age.
Ave: Why did you choose to come to Northwestern?
Amalia: I was one of those kids who had no idea where to go. I got in, and then visited. It's so cliche, but the lakefill killed me. Northwestern seemed like the perfect kind of mix, being close to a big city but not super crazy and not too small.
Ave: Where are you from originally?
Amalia: Right outside Washington, D.C. in Maryland.
Ave: And what's your favorite and least favorite thing about where your from?
Amalia: I'd say my favorite is RGIII. Least favorite....we have a lot of one-way streets, and I'm really not into it. I've gotten into trouble a few times. It's a lot of me being pulled over by policemen and crying my way out of it.
Ave: So who is the most relevant person to come from your town?
Amalia: Good question...I'd probably say Dan Snyder, the owner of the Redskins.
Ave: So if you had to marry, screw, and kill someone on the Homecoming Court, who would it be?
Amalia: I'd have to marry Yando, because his voice is so angelic.
Ave: Can you describe your ideal date?
Amalia: I have to say, I really like the rain. So a rainy day. We'd go see a nice French film then make dinner together.
Ave: Who's your favorite ethnically ambiguous character from Harry Potter?
Amalia: Neville? I don't know where he's from. Scotland? Ireland? He's got something going on.
Ave: And as long as we're talking about Harry Potter, if each member of the Homecoming Court were a Harry Potter novel, which one would Sophie Friedman be?
Amalia: I think Sophie would have to be the first one, because they're all really young and enthusiastic, and she's so peppy.
Ave: How would you use your position as Homecoming Queen, if you win it, to further a two-state solution in Israel.
Amalia: Send them a nice letter. Actually no, I'd just give them my sash.
Ave: Are you excited about the sash? I feel like the sash is probably the biggest deal about homecoming.
Amalia: It's a big deal, but they're really cumbersome, so if you shuffle around or dance...
Ave: Do you think it could be some kind of mechanism by Mayor Tisdahl to stop you from dancing?
Amalia: It's restrictive, I think that's what they want.
Ave: Could you describe your favorite childhood pet?
Amalia: We had one. It was a cat -
Ave: But like, a pet. Not a dog or a cat, but a pet.
Amalia: I always wanted a bush baby. They're these little tiny creatures that kind of look like a mix between a squirrel and a baby koala. They have huge eyes and they live in bushes. I think they're nocturnal.
Ave: That sounds awesome. Okay, so if one of Henry VIII's wives had to be your Chem TA, which one would you most want it to be?
Amalia: Jane Seymour.
Ave: Which US president do you think had the largest nipple circumference?
Amalia: Polk, probably.
Ave: Talk about your favorite Taylor Swift song and how it represents what you've learned about adversity throughout your life.
Amalia: I don't like Taylor Swift. I guess I'm a big anomaly. I'm really into old school rap.
Ave: Alright. Okay so I'm going to give you a scenario. Your getting married, and your spouse wants to spend your honeymoon in a really remote place without electricity, but the chosen week for your honeymoon is during Shark Week. How do you compromise with your spouse so that you still get to watch Shark Week?
Amalia: I would allot a certain amount of time to my spouse for that week. Or we could spend one week there, but then we'd have to make up for it by spending another week watching all of Shark Week.
Ave: Would you dance if I asked you to dance, and would you run and never look back?
Ave: Great. What's the funniest thing that's ever happened to you that involved both sexual tension and rodents?
Amalia: Okay, so I was giving a tour, and this dad was really close to me the whole time, literally walking right next to me. At the end of the tour, he comes up to me...and says, "My son really took a charm to you. Can I have your phone number?" And I believe that two squirrels ran by. And then later that day, I saw a dead squirrel on the road.
Ave: [laughing] That's a really bizarre story. Okay, would you say your spirit animal is a silverback gorilla or a rabid mutt?
Amalia: Rabid mutt.
Ave: Okay, so now I'm going to give you the set-up for a joke, and you'll have 30 seconds to come up with the punchline. So...how many Wildcats does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Amalia: Who needs Wildcats when you've got Morty?