Freshman Guide: Top 5 Places to Cry After Realizing NU Isn’t the Right School for You

Whether you got rejected by every club you applied for in the fall, just experienced your first 6-month winter, or realized that you’re the only person from home that’s still in school in June, freshman year presents a poignant emotion: the anguish that you chose the wrong university.

Here are the best places to, like, cry about it:

1.The Office of Financial Aid

With the fresh news that you might have to drop out since NU fucked your shit up, the Office of Financial Aid is a perfect place to ugly cry while a woman in a dusty purple sweater repeats “you’re valid” without giving you any actionable advice.

2.Shakespeare Garden

There’s nothing really quite like weeping in the midst of hawthorns and tulips. A budding flower signifies the beginning of life, but you’ve just experienced the death of your dreams.

People will definitely hear you, but NU students are unconcerned with other people, so you will absolutely be able to cry undisturbed.

3.On the Lakefill, Next to the Rock with a Spray-painted Cock on It

The lakefill is the absolute emo hotspot, as the crashing waves will mask the sound of you projecting nonhuman noises into the ether. Do all the stars that paint the night sky revel in your pain? Do the passengers in the passing planes look down upon you and perceive you as tiny as you see yourself? Hey, wait! There’s a funny rock with a dick on it next to you!

You post a picture of it on your Instagram story with the caption “BRUH 😂”.

4.During a Titanic Show

You stare in horror as each improvised skit devolves into recycled Morty jokes and inside jokes that other students seem to understand, another reminder that you’ve been unable to acclimate to the social scene here at Northwestern.

“Oh my god,” you whisper, choking back tears. “Why did I come to this school?”

The crowd laughs.

The tears fall.

5.Bobb, Room 299

Let’s cry. Together. I’m free pretty much whenever.