Sherman Ave Interviews: Reggie Hearn
Sherman Ave editors Evander Jones, Ross Packingham, and Sir Edward Twattingworth III sat down with senior Northwestern guard Reggie Hearn, who was kind enough to talk to us about all things basketball, NU, and heinous.
Evander: So how's spring quarter going?
Reggie: It's going a little too tough for my senior spring quarter than I'd like. But it's practically over now. Dillo Day's in six days. Everything's in a rush, I'm not really worried about anything.
Sir T-worth: Speaking of Dillo Day, we have some Dillo related questions for you. Do you have any personal Dillo traditions? In other words, what shots do you take and when do you take them?
Reggie: Well, you guys might be surprised to know that my freshman year Dillo Day was the first time I drank ever. So I started off, my first shot ever was just a regular Smirnoff at 8 in the morning. I don't know if I have any Dillo traditions, but one we started last year is me and my roommate Austin, we just rent a tandem bike at Norris, and that's our transportation. I thought that we would have a little bit more trouble riding it than we did, but it was fine.
Packingham: I bet that makes it easier to actually get to the lakefill on Dillo Day. I don't know about you, but I was actually pretty amazed they were able to bring Lunice to Dillo. I mean like, wow, right?
Reggie: Absolutely. I was just talking to somebody about this just the other day. You know Enyce the clothing line? So I was like, is this pronounced 'Lunis?' Or 'Luneechee?'
Evander: What would be your ideal Dillo Day lineup?
Reggie: Let's go with... give me Kanye. Get Kanye there. Give me Eminem. You know I haven't thought about this a lot, but those guys would be the first two people I'd want.
Packingham: Where's the funniest place you've ever peed on campus?
Reggie: I would say right in front of Patten. Very late at night.
Packingham: On Sheridan? Bold man.
Reggie: I think it was behind--if you're facing the Patten gym, I think it was on the statue--
T-worth: ON the statue?
Reggie: No, behind the statue. Behind the bushes. So I couldn't be seen.
Packingham: I'm pretty sure that statue was made during, like, the Roman times.
Reggie: I wasn't going to pee on the statue, that's disrespectful and I'd get the wrath of Apollo. That's probably the best place I've peed.
T-worth: I've actually peed in those bushes too.
Evander: One Northwestern. We've heard from an inside source that you're actually a bit of a basketball fan, so we thought we'd ask a few questions about that. Was it, like, fun playing basketball at Northwestern?
Reggie: Yeah it was. I mean, it was tough my first two years not playing. And then, actually getting to play these last two years was awesome. This year sucked, because of the nine-game losing streak to end the year and all those injuries. I'm sure you guys know, and have made several jokes about it on our behalf, but we're good sports. It was fun, and you get a lot of experiences beyond just playing basketball. Like, when we went to Italy after my freshman year, that was all-expenses paid--they actually gave us money that we could spend there. So you get experiences when you play Division I basketball beyond just the basketball aspects.
Packingham: I didn't know Northwestern actually gave people money.
T-worth: So you mentioned the injuries. And we've got a few more jokes on your behalf. Do you think that if this year's Northwestern team and this year's Bulls team combined, you would have four uninjured players to field?
Reggie: I don't know, that may be too lofty. But I'm not necessarily a Bulls fan, so I didn't really care about that too bad. I'm a Pacers fan. Ever since the brawl, it's gone downhill, but we're making our way back.
Evander: If you could play one-on-one with any player in Pacers history, who would it be?
Reggie: Oh, Reggie Miller. Who's the best Reggie ever? I like to think I'm a little bit stronger than he is, so I could back him down every time. I don't know how that would work though. But we need to determine who the best Reggie is.
Packingham: You just mentioned that the team had some injuries. We were wondering, do you ever think how funny it would be if you had a hernia. Like, Reggie Hearnia?
Reggie: Absolutely. I mean, you guys are not the first to say that. I remember there's one person on campus who has called me that. A lot. And back in high school, I got that a lot. Reggie Hearnia. People thinking that's hilarious.
Packingham: I bet it's really funny every single time.
Reggie: I've just gotten used to it.
Evander: What advice would you give to a Northwestern basketball recruit coming in for next year?
Reggie: Um. [long awkward pause] I feel like this is the part where you guys will insert into the script 'long awkward pause.'
Reggie: I would say the usual cliche stuff. Work hard. I would tell them to make use of Chicago more, because I didn't. I can't even think of anything else to say. I will not be coaching any time soon.
T-worth: Speaking of recruits, do you think Northwestern has any chance to land Steph Curry for next year?
Reggie: Not at all. Although I do think that Coach Collins will bring some better recruits here. Not that Carmody didn't bring good recruits, and I know that he brought in recruits to fit the offense here.
Packingham: I was just thinking, because we're talking about Chris Collins, literally five days after he got hired Mike Rice from Rutgers became available. It's like, how much do you think Jim Phillips is kicking himself right now? That would have been such a great opportunity to bring awesome press to the Northwestern basketball program.
Reggie: Well, I don't know that he's kicking himself. Mike Rice may be kicking him.
I was surprised by that story. I mean, we as players talked about it, and we would never allow for that to happen. So I'm curious as to why these guys never fought back.
T-worth: Speaking of Coach Carmody, he was famous for running the Princeton Offense. As a Northwestern student, how much did it trigger your inferiority complex to constantly be reminded about an Ivy League institution on a daily basis?
Reggie: Oh not at all, because what we tell ourselves is we're 'Chicago's Big Ten Team, with Division I athletics to go with zero NCAA appearances.' We play in the Big Ten. We don't worry about the Ivy League. I was sad that we lost our assistant coach Mitch Henderson to Princeton though. That did bother me, because he was my favorite coach when I came here.
Evander: Talking about other Big Ten teams, your major is psychology. Could you psychoanalyze Tom Izzo for us?
Reggie: Tom Izzo. You know, the guy comes across as a really, really nice guy. But every once and a while you hear him giving his players a little--I don't know, I'm not quite sold on the guy. I think he's a good coach. He's just always so... every time I see him he's always so calm on the sidelines, just standing there. I don't know, I always think he's got something planned. I don't know what it is, I haven't been able to put my finger on it for a few years now. But I know there's something wrong with the guy.
Packingham: I'm going to be a senior next year, and I was hoping to walk onto the basketball team next year.
Packingham: Do you have any advice for me? I think by then I'm going to be six feet. I'm still growing.
Reggie: Okay, first of all, grow more. Second of all, be in shape. Because when I walked on, I was not in shape at all. I was lucky that the guy going against me just wasn't as good as me, but we were doing stuff like playing full-court one-on-one. And when I say "playing," I mean that we were just like stumbling up and down the court, trying to guard each other and it just got very tiring. But my first advice is that you should probably just grow more.
T-worth: So we've got a word-association game for you if you'd like to play. I'm going to say a word, and you respond with the first thing that pops into your head. Don't think, just whatever the first word is. Ohio State.
T-worth: Accurate. Factual. Coach Hardy.
T-worth: Purple Court?
T-worth: Patricia Telles-Irvin
T-worth: Hinman Dining Hall
Reggie: Superman Ice Cream.
T-worth: Morty Schapiro
Reggie: The man.
Packingham: March through the Arch
Evander: John Shurna
Reggie: Boy Wonder.
T-worth: Juice Thompson
Packingham: European Basketball
Reggie: Can't wait.
T-worth: NCAA Tournament
Reggie: [sigh] Saddest.
Packingham: So I think we'll get into some more open-ended personality questions. Have you seen any of these new Harlem Shake videos?
Reggie: [scoffing] Have I seen them.
Packingham: Aren't they hilarious?
Reggie: Yeah, absolutely.
Evander: What does your favorite shitty beer say about you?
Reggie: I don't know if I really have a favorite shitty beer. Although I was recently in DC this weekend and I saw Icehouse, and I was just like 'uugghhh.' So what does Icehouse say about me? I don't really know. If you guys could enlighten me, that would help me out a lot.
Evander: I normally think that Icehouse tells me that somebody just wants to get drunk quickly.
T-worth: I think what it usually says is, "You mean you're out of Busch?" What's your favorite movie?
Reggie: Dark Knight.
T-worth: But to be more specific, what's your favorite 2011 Jessica Alba film?
Reggie: I didn't know that there wa--
T-worth: It's Spy Kids 4.
Reggie: Literally the only reason I would go to see that is to see Jessica Alba.
T-worth: Correct for about half of their box office sales.
Packingham: So which character do you think you would be if you were in Game of Thrones?
Reggie: I have never seen Game of Thrones. Please don't attack me. Everybody attacks me for that.
Packingham: I was just going to ask then how old you were when you decided you wanted to live a life of emptiness and despair.
Reggie: I guess you guys are going to peer-pressure me into watching Game of Thrones now. The only throne I'm worried about watching is the one I'm sitting in right now.
Packingham: There are an incredible number of breasts in the show.
Evander: Who the hell does Joe Lunardi think he is?
Reggie: You know, every year when I see these experts make their picks--who's going to get in and once they get in who's going to win and all that--I just laugh, because I think it's funny. Nobody knew that Florida Gulf Coast was going to win. But I remember--this wasn't Joe Lunardi, I can't remember which analyst this was--but I favorited this tweet, it was Mark May saying "I don't know why everybody's sleeping on Georgetown." And I just thought it was funny. It's all these guys, including Joe Lunardi. I wish I could get paid and just go up there and talk about sports. I feel like it's very easy.
Packingham: I feel like I know somebody who had Georgetown winning the entire bracket...
Evander: Beating Wisconsin.
Reggie: [to Evander] When did you decide you wanted to live a life of despair?
Evander: When I started Sherman Ave.
Packingham: Do you have any specific plans for what you want to name your eighth child?
Reggie: I was going to do this with an earlier child, but I think I really like the name Harmony. For a girl. I don't know if Harmony Hearn flows, but I mean she doesn't have a choice, so...
T-worth: I don't know if you remember Consumer Insight, IMC 300, do you remember that class?
Reggie: I do. Were you in that class?
T-worth: Packingham and I were in that class. I was just wondering, do you regret that we didn't sit next to each other every day in that class?
Reggie: Absolutely. I think we would have had a lot of fun.
Packingham: On a scale of one to ten, how much does a cappella music make you want to vomit everywhere and eat it off the floor in the hope that you'll vomit again to doubly display your displeasure?
Reggie: Wow. I think you guys are harsh. To be honest, I would like to attend an a cappella show. So I'll go a one on that.
Evander: That's practically an endorsement. Were you surprised when the ASG candidates you endorsed lost? I mean, you dunked!
Reggie: Yeah, I "dunked." Well, to be honest, from what I've heard like 5% of the campus voted. So I wasn't surprised that they lost. I mean, I wanted them to win, but I guess that shows how much star power I have.
T-worth: I mean, you're doing an interview for Sherman Ave.
Packingham: So fuck, marry, kill. Ron Artest, LeBron James, Kevin Durant?
Reggie: I'm going to go with marrying LeBron, because he's consistent, he hasn't been hurt, he's going to take care of me. He's always going to be there for me. He's strong, and I need that in a man. Kevin Durant? You know, he's a little fragile. So I'd have sex with Kevin Durant. I think it'd be interesting. I equate length with flexibility in my mind. And the Durantula just has a lot of length. And Ron Artest, I don't know how I'm going to kill him, but he's going to have to die.
Packingham: See, I wouldn't want to marry LeBron, because it just took him so long to get the ring.
Reggie: [strained laughter] Very nice.
Evander: How far into Season 4 of Arrested Development are you?
Reggie: This is another attacking me over TV things. Not far into it at all. Not even near it.
T-worth: Could describe what your biggest power trip has been? Either in life or at Northwestern?
Reggie: Can you remind me what a power trip is?
T-worth: You know what? I'll actually pull up a definition that I have written down on one of my profile pictures. A power trip is defined as an experience during which a person feels an undue amount of significance or value.
Reggie: I guess I'd say, and I don't think is necessarily the case, but I mean you had me playing the word-association game earlier. So immediately what came into my mind is Kanye. And anytime I hear Kanye's song "Power" come on in the car, I just become invigorated with power. That's not my biggest power trip, I can't think of my biggest power trip right now, maybe I've never felt the power. Maybe I need to go to Searle.
There's a lot of times--I have multiple power trips in my car. I hear a song come on, it's like Taylor Swift's "Trouble," and I will sing in my car, and I will feel a lot of power. Especially if I'm on the highway, windows down rolling, I'll sing to cars as they pass by. I feel a lot of power.
T-worth: Are you 22 years old?
Reggie: Not quite. But you can trust that I'll be singing it on my birthday [in August 14th].
Packingham: That's Tim Tebow's birthday. Are you Jesus?
Reggie: That would be a power trip.
Can I interview you guys now? So I've been observing your guys' apartment and stuff. Do you ever play those board games?
T-worth: Well, we use Battleship to play Battleshots.
Evander: Do you want to play Sorry with us? We used to play Sorry a lot.
Reggie: Wait, what's Battleshots?
T-worth: So instead of a ship, you pour a shot of alcohol into a shot glass. Then you put it on the battleship board and play. Usually you use a pizza box, but since we have the game we feel like we should use it. And then, if your shot's on F5 and they call F5, then you take the shot!
Reggie: Nice! That's a good idea. I feel like you guys are much more advanced in the realm of alcohol and drinking than I am, and me and my roommate were trying to make this Dillo Day--for lack of a better cliched white girl word--epic. So our idea for this Dillo Day, now that I've talked to people it's pretty old, but I thought it was a new idea. We're going to put the alcohol in the fruit and everything, and probably get a pineapple or something. But we've been talking the past two years about playing drunk Twister. And we need some ideas for how we can drink and play Twister.
Packingham: I think you'd have to have a pretty solid base before starting.
Evander: You could do, like, every time it's blue you have to do something. Every time you fall down you have to drink. That's genius.
T-worth: That's kind of self-fulfilling though. It'll pick up on its own.
Reggie: Yeah, we've been trying to figure it out. Also, we're trying to get girls to come over and play twister too. It can't be just the two of us.
Editor's note: 1. It cannot be particularly difficult for a former starting basketball guard to invite co-eds over to play Twister with a Division I athlete. 2. Nobody should ever ask Sherman Ave writers for advice on how to pick up women.
Reggie: Why do you have a Nicolas Cage sign on your wall?
T-worth: Because I'm a savant. I figured out where to put the toaster in the kitchen so it can connect to an outlet. It shows that I have extraordinary mental capabilities.
Evander: We went through a period where we just left each other messages with Nicolas Cage instead of talking to one another.
Reggie: I also like your N64. Especially Super Smash Bros. Although I never played anything besides Pokemon Stadium. Me and Sobo, and Marcotullio, we're big fans of video games.
Packingham: So what is Sobo like in real life?
Reggie: Well, he's just as short as he looks on screen. He does have all the Sobo swag you hear about. I mean, he's a pretty fun-loving goofy guy.
Evander: A real question. How do you feel about the NCAA paying athletes?
Reggie: It's interesting. I actually did a speech on this for public speaking. I was on the side of not paying athletes, but then once I kind of did some research, actually, as unbiased as possible, I believe that they should be compensated in some way. I'm not the one to say how that should be done, but I think just the fact that so much money is being made--specifically basketball and football--that especially for the ones who aren't going to the league like NFL or NBA and aren't as well-equipped for the professional world and getting a job after, they should be compensated in some way. Because there's a lot of money being made off of these kids.
T-worth: Kind of a follow-up to that, and this is also kind of an actual question. Northwestern has this reputation of being squeaky-clean on rules and everything. We love that, but I was wondering if you know guys at schools elsewhere, do you think there is a culture difference between different schools? Do you think that NCAA violations are happening throughout the league?
Reggie: I don't have a lot of contact with other guys at different schools. But I wouldn't be surprised if rules are being broken. In my experience at Northwestern, it's been very clean, at least with basketball in terms of abiding by the rules and everything. So Collins has a lot to live up to. So I'm not sure about other schools. I am very skeptical about Calipari, getting six McDonald's all-americans every year.
Evander: What I love about Northwestern basketball is that at a home game you're able to sit right up close and watch an incredibly high-level of basketball. Whenever Northwestern wins, it just feels so good. And that's just as a fan, not even as a player.
Reggie: I like the tradition of going around after the game. Slapping hands with everybody. I think that's great. Before Swop went down, I thought we were doing pretty well. That's when we were 13 and 10, 4 and 6, had a chance to beat Iowa on the road, and he went down and everything went down from there.
Evander: Well thank you so much for taking the time and letting us pester you so much. We certainly all love Northwestern basketball.
Reggie: I mean, I can take jokes and stuff. Going back and looking at the tapes, it had to be tough to watch us play. Without JerShon, Drew, Swop, it was just too much.
T-worth: Alright, final question. Can you describe your Northwestern experience in 14 words or less?
Reggie: Basketball was fun, and being interviewed by Sherman Ave was the best... experience.