The illegitimate child of King Edward VIII, Sir Edward Twattingworth III plans one day to ascend to his rightful place on the throne. In his free time, Sir Twattingworth likes to swill whisky in his mouth then feed it to children like a mama bird.
Wreathed in holy fuck-fire, and hewn from the menstrual blood of ten thousand demonic angels, was born Dolphintail Espinoza, thereupon he swoosed through the void of space and skewert his rod through might stars, and from the bogarting of these stars begat Dolphintail the gift of explosions, and from explosions, rock-roll. That's where babies come from.
Born and raised on the island of Niʻihau, Manua Hiki-Hiki is the reigning "Yo Momma" champion of the northern Hawaii - having even met Wilmer Valderrama one time. When he's not competing in local "Yo Momma" tournaments, Manua Hiki-Hiki (whose name translates to "That's a Huge Fucking Mark on Your Neck - Did You Get Hit by a Hockey Puck? Holy Shit") works at the local fishery as a motivational speaker.
Prince Giblets can leap tall hoes in a single bound. He played Norm on Cheers. He hasn't met you but probably doesn't like you. He is lonely but not lonely enough for it to actually be sad; instead it's just kind of comical. He likes dogs.
That heavy breathing behind you? It's me.
Old Kanye is better than new Kanye, so I'll give him a listen when he turns 75. Think that's clever? You ain't seen nothing yet (that was pretty close to my limit, actually)! Please direct any questions to my assistant, Pip Sleazy.
Prof. J. Reginald Vandernips
I have a doctorate in Heinousness from the Academy of 2NE. Now spreading my wisdom via Sherman-Ave.Com, I can educate the masses in the finer points of creating articulate pieces of social satire, culinary barbarism, and exaltation of Morty Schapiro. May your nips always be stiff!
A master of American culture, Alabaster was born in 1942 to Jackie and Franklin Chevrolet, and has been an avid patriot ever since. He is a proud graduate of Yale university, graduating cumma sum laude as a member of the Skull and Bones society, and a proud member of the United States Marines, Serving in every conflict from World War II to the assassination of Osama Bin Laden.
John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt: His name is my name too.
Steve is love. Steve is life.
Rich Homie Gina
Bathed with dish soap once. Didn't like it all that much.
Ball is life, and that is why I am a baller.
Just a small town girl, livin in a heinous world
Oh, I'm sorry, I thought this was America.
I bleed rain and enjoy long heinous walks on the (sherman) Ave.
Marietta Von Festering
Likes: AAA batteries, yellow nail polish, ginger ale Dislikes: Alarm clocks, coffee rings, loose-leaf paper* *This list was formulated based on the items on my desk.
A founding member of Sherman Ave and National Ave, Packingham is prouder of nothing more than his ongoing 22-day streak of not having a wet dream about Nancy Pelosi.
Samwise Donkenstein was born to German immigrants in a rural Midwest town. He owns seventeen shotguns and two copies of the King James version of the Bible written in Portuguese. In his spare time he is Coolio.
Ammonia$ta Dribbling enjoys long, nude walks on the beach with her companion, Joey the Koala. When she isn't passed out with a bottle of Andre at her best friend, Kesha's, she can be found on the corner of the street soliciting...unwanted advice.
Mom says the acne will go away soon.
Master Bader Ginsberg
Officer Richard "Dick" Fuzz
Frank, The Guardian of Pain
Pain was young once, long ago. In the early days, Pain knew Joy - the joy of watching a girl cry after falling off her bike and scraping her knee, the triumph of laughing in a kid's face as he's kicked while he's down, even the simple pleasure of stealing candy from a wee babe. Yes, indeed, Pain knew joy. But alas, it was not meant to be. Pain's father, Strength, and his mother, Maliciousness, were harpooned by the Angel Gabriel during the First War. Unable to bear the orphaning of such a vile creature, I let Pain into my life. I internalized him. I accepted him. I learned his mannerisms, his appetites, his Zooey Deschanel-esque quirks. When I came into this world I was but a poor sailor boy, but now every last boy, sailor or not, knows my name. I am forever etched into the consciousness of the world, and more specifically of this particular publication. I am Frank, the Guardian of Pain.
They say all good comedians are manic depressives deep inside. Cornelius is a very good comedian.
Diet Coke Connoisseur Suffers from RBF Crowned Little Miss Heinous 2013
Susan, the Sexy-in-the-Right-Lighting Ghost
Stephen Rees is the founder and former co-Editor-in-Chief of Sherman Ave. He is a current editor at Sherman Ave's sister site National Ave.
Bootylicious S. Grant
Broomhilda W. Bush
Kobe Bean Bryant (born August 23, 1978) is a retired American rapper who was active from 1992-2001, with a small comeback staged in 2011.
In high school, Bryant was a member of a rap group called CHEIZAW, named after the Chi Sah gang in the martial arts film Kid with the Golden Arm. The group was signed by Sony Entertainment, but the company's ultimate goal was to eliminate the group and have Bryant record on his own. He performed at a 1997 concert by Sway & King Tech and recorded a verse for a remix of Brian McKnight's "Hold Me." Bryant even appeared on Los Angeles Lakers' Center Shaquille O'Neal's "Respect", starting the track "3 X's Dope", though Bryant's name was not listed on the credits.
Sony pushed Bryant from his roots of underground hip hop into a more radio-friendly sound. His debut album, Visions, was scheduled to release in the spring of 2000. The first single, "K.O.B.E'", featured supermodel Tyra Banks singing the hook. The single debuted in January 2000, and was performed that month; the song was not well received. Sony abandoned plans for the album, which was never released, and dropped Bryant later that year. The Sony president who originally signed Bryant had already left, and Bryant's other backers had mostly abandoned him. Afterwards, Bryant co-founded an independent record label, Heads High Entertainment, but it folded within a year.
In 2011, Bryant was featured in Taiwanese singer Jay Chou's single, "The Heaven and Earth Challenge" (天地一鬥, pronounced "Tian Di Yi Dou"). The proceeds for downloads of both the single and ringtones were donated to impoverished schools for basketball facilities and equipment. The music video of the single also features Bryant. The song was also used by Sprite in its 2011 marketing campaign in China.
In 2009, rapper Lil Wayne titled a song "Kobe Bryant." Similarly, in 2010, the rapper Sho Baraka released a song called "Kobe Bryant On'em", which was featured in his album Lions and Liars.
Scurvy Jacobson is the loneliest writer on this site. If you're ever so unfortunate as to spend an afternoon with him he will inevitably take a selfie with you and make it his profile picture. Just one of those types, you know?
Sass, class, and derrieres.
Commandant Leo Sextoi
Lemme smang it girl
Jameson the Manatee
tusks and blubber.
Godzilla (ゴジラ) is a fictional Kaiju (monster) first appearing in Ishirō Honda's 1954 film Godzilla. Since then, Godzilla has gone on to become a worldwide pop culture icon starring in 28 films produced by Toho Co., Ltd.. The character has appeared in numerous other medium incarnations including video games, novels, comic books, and television series. A 1998 American reimagining was produced by Tri-Star Pictures (the title monster of which was renamed to Zilla by Toho in 2004's Godzilla: Final Wars), while a second American version by Legendary Pictures is set to be released in May 2014. The character is commonly alluded to by the title King of the Monsters, an epithet first used in the Americanized version of the original 1954 film.
With the nuclear bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki and the Lucky Dragon 5 incident still fresh in the Japanese consciousness, Godzilla was conceived as a metaphor for nuclear weapons. As the film series expanded, some stories took on less serious undertones portraying Godzilla as a hero while other plots still portrayed Godzilla as a destructive monster; sometimes the lesser of two threats who plays the defender by default but is still a danger to humanity.
Doctor Tattersail has a doctorate in ichthyology from Oxford University and enjoys playing Sim Sandwich in his free time. He is unmarried and lives in a Miami Beach PetCo.
About me: Right now? Probably lost. Favorites: Dorothy Hamill haircuts, beige Least Favorites: Denim wedgies, Joni Mitchell cover bands
Just a girl in search of a good time/kidney.
Enjoys strawberries and cream, good conversation, and ABBA
Probability The Rapper
Perching above you and watching you read this while I listen to the "Naked Mole Rap" from Kim Possible and eat Beanitos™. If it's Tuesday it must be eczema.
I'm twenty one and generally no fun.
Sad Bones Malone
Born in Briar's Creek, Indiana, Virgil packed his bags and headed to the Big Apple to "be in the pitchers" in late 1918. Unable to find work, he set up shop as a cobbler down on 53rd and York, just past the flatiron building. Now retired, he enjoys croquet, Celebrity Boxing reruns, and YikYaking about frat/srat rankings.
Sperry Mae Woodpecker
I like cats, I love philosophy, but I live for hard liquor. I'm the existen-chillest kitten around.
Leprosy St. James
I am totally obsessed with life! In my writing, I try to illuminate the importance of the many infinitesimal daily occurrences that ultimately culminate in the continuous triumph of the human spirit. Most nights, I like to watch HBOGO while I eat T-Bell and Reeses's Fast Breaks alone in my bedroom. I'm living the dream-you should, too!