What the People Want
Looks like the Republican Presidential Primary might get a little more interesting. No, Ronald Reagan did not recently rise from the dead. And, unfortunately, rumors that front-runner Mitt Romney is preparing to battle Jon Huntsman in The Thunderdome have been proven woefully false. But during a speech in Charleston, S.C., Candidate Michele Bachmann made a stunning announcement that is sure to rock the American political world. According to Michele Bachmann,
“They want to see two girls come together and have a mud wrestling fight,” the Minnesota congresswoman said. “And I’m... going to give it to ‘em.”
[editor's note: some content removed from quotation to help facilitate the fantasies of 13-year-old pundits everywhere]
We can only begin to fathom how amazing such a battle royale would be. In fact, our crack team of graphic designers have been hard at work trying to give our readers an accurate depiction of what said mud wrestling would look like, and have produced a preliminary sketch to whet one's appetite. Our prediction? The melee turns ugly when The Alaska Disasta' accuses The North Star of lacking proper political experience, and ends in a draw to allow both politicians enough time to prepare their next prodigiously absurd comment for the press.