Uncle Mike, Regent of Holidays, Deems It Now Okay to Play Christmas Music
HERSHEY, PA—In a declaration to the assembled people of the dinner table this weekend, Uncle Mike, the Regent of Holidays, declared that the annual ban on playing Christmas music has now officially been lifted. The restriction, which the Regent of Holidays imposes every December 26th, explicitly prohibits radio stations and stores from playing songs associated with the holiday.
It was on December 3rd, 2005 that the then newly elected Regent of Holidays Uncle Mike first proclaimed, “I say no one should be allowed to play Christmas music until well after Thanksgiving,” officially nullifying the ruling of the past Regent, Mom, who had decreed that Christmas music was, “fine as long as it’s not before Halloween.”
While television commercials are now free to use Christmas music in commercials without scorn, holiday lawn decorations and lights are strictly prohibited under Uncle Mike’s pivotal December 3rd decree that, “I saw someone with one of those inflatable snow globes in their front yard and it’s barely even December yet.” At press time, holiday decorations are still segregated by Regent of Holidays Mom’s landmark ruling, “unless you can show me where in the bible it says Santa Claus was in the manger with baby Jesus, so keep him the hell out of your nativity.”