Uncle Just Itching to Start Political Discussion During Christmas Dinner
Multiple reports indicate that Uncle Charlie, who is currently nursing his fifth glass of eggnog and Bailey’s, is currently looking for some way to steer conversation at the Christmas dinner table toward a controversial political issue.
“We’re at that point in the evening where the excitement from the morning has died down and everyone is enjoying their food.” Charlie said. “They’ve all let their guard down, which means it’s the perfect time to shake things up. “
“If the family was expecting this year to finally be the harmonious Christmas they’d been hoping for, they’d better think again.”
“Sure, I love my family and relish the opportunity to spend time with them during the holidays” he added. “But if these fuckers think they’re getting out of here without some kind of shouting match over the state of our country, then they’ve got another thing coming.”
Recent events have left Charlie with a plethora of potential topics, and the seasoned argument inciter says that he won’t shy away from any of them.
“Ferguson, Eric Garner, white privilege? All of those are fair game. Hell, I’ll even talk about the fucking War on Christmas if it’ll get a rise out of my relatives.”
It remains to be seen if Charlie’s current crusade will yield the success of last year’s argument regarding the Supreme Court’s decision to strike down DOMA. That argument resulted in seven broken wine glasses, the burning of several classic novels in the family’s living room, and the ending of his niece Sarah’s relationship with her boyfriend of five years. Charlie, however, is hopeful that this year’s conflict could produce even more destruction than last year.
“I’m hoping for at least some type of serious structural damage to the home, but I’d be happy with somebody permanently cutting off contact with the family” Charlie said, grinning. “After all, it isn’t the holidays until I remember why our family doesn’t talk to each other 364 days out of the year.”