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Translating the Things NU Kids Say Around Finals

“I completely failed that final”: I’d estimate that I got an 82% on that final.

“I honestly haven’t even started studying”: Besides these notes I took, all the lectures I attended and readings I did, and this handy little study guide I drafted up.

“We get a one-page cheat sheet, but I don’t think it’ll really help”: I will put the entirety of human knowledge on that sheet in size .25 font.

“Oh my god, I’m gonna get so drunk after this final”: I have two more finals to study for and will not under any circumstances be leaving the library or speaking with another human being until I'm entirely done.

“It’s a 20-page research paper and I haven’t even STARTED”: ...the conclusion. I haven’t started the conclusion.

“That was literally the hardest test of my life”: Shoot, maybe I only got a 79% on that final?

“I haven’t slept in three days”: I haven’t slept in three days.

“It wasn’t quite as bad as I thought it’d be”: I’ll be setting the curve on that exam.

“I just had my Orgo final”: I completely failed that final.

“So much studying to do, I’m off to the library”: http://www.netflix.com

“I think I guessed on half of that exam”: Man, question #14 really had me stumped until I remembered the equation.

“I’m glad that I’m HPME. That was a good choice”: I am a broken soul and will never again be able to find joy in this dark and horrid life we live.

“Dude, you’re like my best friend”: Give me your notes. Now.

“I have a final the next day, but yeah I can go to formal!”: I’m going to talk about that final for the duration of formal.

“Psst, do you understand #3?”: I’m unprepared for this test and think it would be fun if we both failed it.

“I’ve got a group project meeting from 7 to 10 tonight”: I’ll be committing several acts of homicide around 8:15 tonight.

An Open Letter to the Main Library Facilities Management

How To Fail Your Finals Gracefully: An Urgent Letter From Your Exceptionally Well-Prepared Classmates