Well, democracy is back in action tomorrow night, and as such you will likely want to cry a lot about all of the things. But you should not do that. Instead, you should do what I do when I feel sad. When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story! You know how you can be awesome (besides applying to write for The Ave)? By playing fun games with us. This fun game is funner than most fun games because it involves the drinks! So sit on down, grab a beverage, turn on the debate, play The Sherman Ave 2012 Presidential Debate Drinking Game, and pretend you have a friend.
Take one sip every time…
- Obama brings up the 47% video. Take two sips if he’s obviously really proud of himself for remembering to bring up Romney’s biggest gaffe this time around.
- Romney shouts “JUST LIKE LAST TIME, BITCH” after every zinger.
- Either candidate says “middle class,” “unemployment,” “economy,” “Libya,” “labia,” “Iraq,” “hein-daddy,” “taxes,” “Kim Kardashian,” “hard-working,” “butt-chugging,” “failure,” “turnaround,” “recovery,” “recovering alcoholic,” or “America.”
- Obama chugs a Red Bull.
- Romney responds to a question by playing a clip of the last debate on his iPad. Waterfall if after he exits out of the video everyone can see desktop background and it’s a picture of a scantily-clad Michelle Obama and then everyone’s like, “SAY WHAAA NOW??”
- An audience member asking a question looks like they just shat themselves a lot.
- The grammar in an audience member’s question makes you want to punch the young children.
- Obama criticizes Romney’s record at Bain Capital. Two sips if Romney responds by making it rain.
- Either millionaire on stage explains how they too were once one of The Poors.
Take one gulp every time…
- The cameraman finds a hot girl in a halter-top in the bleachers to show instead of the game.
- Obama and Romney talk over each other.
- Romney talks about Paul Ryan, or Obama avoids talking about Joe Biden.
- Romney flips. Two gulps when he flops.
- Obama takes a nap at the podium.
- Romney asks is he has a “phone a friend” option and tries to call Sheldon Adelson. Two gulps if Adelson makes him clarify that Romney is an “employee” not a “friend.”
Finish that drank every time…
- The audience breaks into a flash mob to “I Want Candy” and lol this whole election was actually part of an elaborate gag to throw a surprise birthday party for debate moderator Candy Crowley and I think it worked haha she looks so surprised!!!
- Obama orders a drone strike on every state Mitt Romney claims he’s from.
- Romney buys the White House.
- Donald Trump is mentioned.
- Obama brings Biden in to celeb shot the answer to an abortion question.
Pour your drink all over your face and let it drip slowly down your chest every time…
- The candidates shake hands. DO IT.