The Most Important Shit I’ve Learned My Freshman Year

The Most Important Shit I’ve Learned My Freshman Year

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I have yet to see ol' Ralph Nader at one of these green parties, which seems like a cop out.

  1. “Green Party” doesn’t mean wear green
  2. Shepard isn’t for sheep, it’s for pigs
  3. I’m concerned that if I study abroad I’ll meet fewer international students
  4. Everyone is fluent in Greek
  5. Sleep is for pussies and mine’s really tired
  6. Everyone wants Addy and Molly at their party
  7. C’s get degrees but not internships
  8. Everyone’s sick and tired of hearing you’re sick and tired
  9. Quarters are great for the spin cycle, not the school cycle
  10. When in a cab and out of cash, offer a flash*
  11. If you’re a sober sister at a formal downtown and you’re asked to take a drunk girl home and she throws up in the cab that you have to clean up and pay for it. After you have the cab drop you off at her dorm, you clean her up and put her in bed, she’ll probably ask you to lean over so she can whisper in your ear…“fuck you, I want to go to Pike.”
  12. A Dean’s first name is not necessarily “Dean”
  13. Riding the top of a curve is considered an extreme sport
  14. Midterm isn’t the correct term
  15. You don’t want to get a Christmas card from NorthShore Hospital**
  16. If you’re a sober sister at a formal downtown and you’re asked to take a drunk girl home and she throws up in the cab that you have to clean up and pay for. After you have the cab drop you off at her dorm, you clean her up and put her in bed, lean over and whisper in her ear…”fuck you, I’m going to Pike”
  17. It’s fun to Google your friends with Canada Goose coats to see what their parents do for a living
  18. Study hard so you can afford a Canada Goose coat

 

* Usually requires opposite sex driver

** I’m feeling better, thank you

Bill Murray Hilariously Crashes Funeral Service

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New York Times wins Pulitzer for finding parties at Northwestern

New York Times wins Pulitzer for finding parties at Northwestern