The 5 Stages of Hooking Up with Someone in Your Major
So there’s somebody in your major that catches your eye. You see them in class all the time. You’ve done some preliminary Facebook stalking. You’ve made awkward eye contact. They appear single[i] . You’re definitely single. Perfect.
Stage 1: Relocation
It’s time for you to find a new seat in class. Preferably one that’s within range of your interest. Don’t worry about the person who has been sitting there all quarter. That bitch can find a different seat. So now that you have your new seat, initiate contact. Exchange phone numbers, Snapchat usernames, become Facebook friends, follow them on Twitter, add them to your Google+ circle[ii].
Stage 2: “Friendship”
You’ve now entered the magical stage of “friendship." You guys aren’t actually friends but you can do things like ask them to study or do homework together and it doesn't seem completely weird. You guys have a midterm coming up? Fantastic. Looks like you have a new study partner.
Stage 3: %^&#@
Yay! You guys finally broke all that sexual tension and banged got to third base! All your days of effort have finally paid off. Now I don’t really know how long this stage normally lasts. My record is two weekends, but anyhow like all good things[iii], it will end; and that brings us to stage 4.
Stage 4: Awkwardness
Well what did you think would happen after hooking up with someone you see almost every single fucking day? That it would be completely fine and totally not awkward? Lol, good one. Whenever you inevitably stop hooking up with this person, things will be awkward. Whether you end it or they end it, have fun seeing them in class. Oh, and have even more fun when you guys are randomly assigned to the same group for a project worth 30% of your final grade.
Stage 5: More Awkwardness
You thought the awkwardness would eventually go away? HAHA. Wrong. For the next couple weeks, quarters or even years until you either graduate, switch majors, or drop out of school to become a stripper, you will see this person in your classes. And it will continue to be awkward. You can try and pretend like they’ve never had their tongue in your mouth or seen you naked, but you know it, they know it, and probably the rest of the class knows it.
Well at least now you have learned your lesson. Hooking up within your major=awkwardness. That person in your elective class though…
[i] based on your limited FB stalking
[ii] just kidding, no one uses Google+
[iii] RIP Rice Krispie Treats® Cereal