Never Fear: Northwestern’s Sk8r Lesbians are Not Here to Steal your Girlfriend’s Virginity
These days, you really should be looking out for the ones with inconspicuous yet trendy canvas tote bags. There’s a 10-incher in there. Guaranteed.
MOD “No Name Cake” Named! It’s Ethan.
No one has ever been cream-filled and sad before. Not ever.
Class of 2023 Senior Pranks GONE WRONG?!?
Cut Down Every Tree on the Lakefill:
Felony eco-terrorism charges aside, this will really show admin they’re not messing around.
GLO in the Spotlight: Medium-Sized Black Holes eat SESP Students like Messy Toddlers
"Aw fuck, there goes my skin."
21 Savage Dazzles as Guest Lecturer at Kellogg School of Management
Confetti is falling from the ceiling. The powerpoint is now a blank screen. President Schill is naked. And 21 is nowhere to be found.
Happy Groundhog Day! I Am Going Kill Him.
I am going to shoot him dead.
“This Song Is Pretty Good,” Says Friend Who Clearly Hasn't Heard Hotel California by The Eagles
“But, I mean, I guess I would consider this my favorite song,” he concluded. Oh, James. Poor, sweet James. I give my regards to innocent baby boy James, who will never know what it is like to be able to check out anytime you like, yet never be able to leave.
Summer Instagram Photos Reveal Your Friend Is Actually Really Rich
You start to think that maybe her “unique financial aid package” of $500 a week isn’t coming from FAFSA. Her “work study” at Norbucks was actually a $38 an hour internship with Norbucks corporate that she got through “networking” (her uncle). And when she told you her family was fiscally conservative, she really meant that they’ve fiscally conserved millions of dollars of generational wealth.
Personality Quiz: Are You Schizophrenic, Or Am I Just Behind You In Lecture With My Big Ass Magnet?
Tomorrow’s our last class together, so I figured I should ask. I haven’t felt close to you since you attached that Wii strap to your pen, and also started scrawling unknowable symbols up and down your arms. These days I think the real mania is that which we create for each other. You’re not the quiet, sane peer I fell in love with.
Girlboss! This Woman Wrapped Herself In A Man's Comforter After Sex And Then Wore It All The Way Home
We tried to meet with Braun for a follow-up interview, but she was wearing a 40 story building—and naturally couldn’t enter our much smaller building. However, be sure to catch her walking in this year’s NYC fashion week, where she’ll be draped in an entire suburban neighborhood!
Northwestern To Launch New, Even More Alarming Safety Alert
Run and hide, but do not cower. Go onward, instead. From now until your next class period, and thenceforth into infinity. Show bravery eternal, for the soul of a Wildcat is not fickle.
Inspired By Bumble’s Aggressive Ad Campaign, Canvas Introduces Feature Allowing You To Swipe On Your Classmates
Once matched, users can even play a Wordle-esque game where they have to guess each other’s NetIDs!
Making a Mii of Your Childhood Ski School Teacher
It’s fun, and oddly powerful, the feeling of creating Miis. Listening to their goofy little song. Picking them up by their heads and watching them struggle, squirm, like a butterfly caught in a net. Who should I make next?
Awkward! You started a game of Yahtzee that you found in your grandparents’ attic and now you’re locked in a deathmatch with Nana and PopPop.
You didn’t expect that asking Nana and PopPop to play a quick game of Yahtzee you found in the attic would end with a duel to the death. Now Gramps is calling you words that you don’t understand, but they’re definitely slurs.
Party Foul: A Freshman Invited The Entire Class of 2025 To My Uncle’s Funeral
You guys just couldn’t let me have one event to myself, could you.
An Anxious Girl’s Guide to Even MORE Places You Might Get Murdered on Campus
You thought you could get rid of me, but I’m back. And I’m here to fill your hairy little chunk heads with even MORE places you might get murdered on campus.
New Vaccine Tactic: Get the vaxx or else Stanley Tucci will sleep with your wife
Tucci, a man once described as “sultry'' by CBS, said of his decision, “It was time to use my sexiness for the benefit of all mankind. I’m ready to unleash my charisma on the anti-vaxx wives of America.”