EVANSTON, IL – Sources reported that Northwestern student Zachary Goldowitz (Weinberg ’16) said the word “Chiberia” during a conversation with his friends at lunch today and, as a result, was very, very pleased with himself.
“Yeah guys, I swear, I’m so done with living in Chiberia,” Goldowitz reportedly said, taking care to slow down the cadence of his voice drastically upon hitting that last word, in order to let his friends be able to process how cool and hip he truly is. “When will winter end, right?”
The word Chiberia – an amalgamation of the proper nouns “Chicago” and “Siberia” – has been widely used by a large swath of the Chicagoland population in order to describe the especially cold temperatures of northeastern Illinois this winter. The logic of the name derives from the fact that “C,” “H,” and “I” are the first three letters of “Chicago;” and that “Siberia,” a far-northern region of Russia from which the moniker takes its final five letters, is one of the coldest areas on Earth.
In order to showcase his mastery of such a niche cultural reference, Goldowitz reportedly used the word a total of three times during his lunch conversation with his friends this afternoon. In addition to the above cited quote, Goldowitz also commented, “I can’t believe Atlanta shut down for like two days because it snowed a little. They have no idea what it’s like to live in Chiberia;” as well as, while shaking his head in a downtrodden manner, “Yep, Chiberia, man.”
Sources also reported that, each time Goldowitz used the term, he paused and looked to his friends with a face of expectancy, assuming that they would either ask where he heard such a unique and intricate-sounding word, or that they would take the time to praise his refined and topical vocabulary. They did no such thing.