State of Illinois changes name to "Land of Twincoln"

Whole new meaning of "stovepipe." Chicago, Ill.--In what comes as a landmark event for the Midwest, sources have confirmed that the State of Illinois has officially decided to change its slogan to the "Land of Twincoln."

"It just felt right," explained Governor Pat Quinn. "The state is moving forward and this is just one of the many changes that will come with the progress we're seeing."

Local citizens reported that celebrations of the momentous decision could be heard throughout the city of Chicago, from the newly-dubbed Mandersonville all the way to 95 & Dan Ryan Gosling. Illinois is the 15th state to decide to accept a new moniker, following close behind New Jersey,  the "Cum See for Yourself" state, and Vermont "The Green Brokeback Mountain" state.

"I never thought I'd live to see this day," said one veteran slogan advocate outside the state Capitol building. "I could not be happier."

As of press time, Mayor Rahm Emmanuel said that Chicago would soon start calling itself the "Ooooooh I Better Get My American Apparel Scarf Because It's Getting A Bit Windy" City.

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