Sherman Ave's One Month Anniversary!
It is with immense satisfaction and joy that we announce the one month anniversary of the venerably estimable, nay TOTALLY KICKASS, website Sherman Ave! Ever since our first post (a review of the latest single from hip-hop duo Alpha Delta, which helped launch the group into international popularity) was first published around 5 in the morning on January 25th, it has been our proud duty and pleasure to provide our readers with only the highest quality of reporting on the culture and shenanigans of the Evanston and Chicagoland area. We thank you, our loyal readers, for making us who we are today: the 4th most reviled news source on campus. In blog years, one month is approximately 18 human years. Therefore, we have decided to celebrate our one month anniversary in typical teenage fashion. First comes the traditional bickering with parents. In a display of our need to exert our own individualism and adolescent rage at our nurturing and well-intentioned parents, our relationship with North by Northwestern and The Daily Northwestern will slowly devolve into incessant shouting matches, until we eventually storm out and get a regrettable lower back tattoo after falling into the dangerous "blog crowd." After our familial situation deteriorates, there won't be anybody or anything stopping us from the self-destructive behavior most young blogs experience when first stepping out on their own.
The next step in our celebration of our one month anniversary is the common teenage phenomenon of dangerous abuse of alcohol and other drugs. After being peer-to-peer-pressured by the "cool" websites like Gawker or Facebook, we'll try and distance ourselves from our once dear, but now hopelessly lame, website-friends like Sporcle or Stumbleupon by drinking obscene amounts of liquor. This will unfortunately lead to the alienation of many of our closest friends, including Her Campus after a particular poor attempt to hit on our secret blog crush, and maybe even the loss of our bloginity to the interweb tramp CollegeACB.
Teenage angst asides, looking back on this past month, we feel that our humble blog has accomplished a hell of a lot. A positive write-up from our venerable website can do wonders for a career, and we've broke some of the hottest celebrities over the past month. Hip hop duo Alpha Delta never would have exploded onto the national scene without our glowing review, and it is doubtful that American pop culture ever would have experienced the impact of Kanye's "All of the Lights" video without the attention it garnered on our humble pages. We have also transformed President Schapiro from a little-known college president to a dearly beloved demigod, all thanks to our extensive profile of the living legend himself.
But our influence extends much further than mere pop culture. We have fought endlessly against the repressive Evanston government, eventually ending the evil Brothel Law, decriminalizing bowling and skipping, and working endlessly to slowly return fun, happiness, and joy to the northern suburbs. Politically, we have covertly aided Rahm Emanuel's miraculous election against all odds (although we can neither confirm nor deny suspicions that we are also the authors of the @MayorEmanuel twitter feed), toppled repressive governments throughout the Middle East (and American Midwest) with our flaming rhetoric, all but insured a Palin/Bachmann victory in 2012, and wielded more influence over the Willard Exec Board elections than a power-hungry and depraved CA exerts over innocent and amiable freshman.
What is most important to remember, however, is that for the past month, we have selflessly shared our profound wisdom and taste for the Chicago area, free of charge. We shudder to think of where we would be as a society had wearing tights as pants gone out of fashion, or if the term "Tagalongs" became the accepted name for the impeccably American "Peanut Butter Patty." Without us, women might never have left the kitchen to edit Wikipedia, Americans would still remain woefully ignorant of the rising phenomenon of Wombinations, and nobody would know the extent of how freaking hilarious Chenny Ng is.
But there is still so much more left to do! As the hottest blog in the 60201 zipcode for a month running, we take our duty to our readers quite seriously. Expect to be inundated with even more killer satire, features, and reviews. We also intend to completely infiltrate ASG by next quarter, establish a secret society that practices voodoo sexual rites in the steam tunnels, and maybe even one day Stumbleupon ourselves during Econ lecture. These are high goals to set for ourselves, but after one month of raging success, we feel like now's the time to ratchet up our game to the next level. Who knows, maybe one day we'll even post regularly!? Only time will tell.