Sherman Ave's Guide to Small Talk: Fall Edition
It’s that time of year again: the beginning. Heading back to school means seeing your Northwestern friends again, something you’ve doubtlessly been looking forward to since the moment you left campus. But your friends aren’t the only ones you’re going to see again, not by a long shot. You’re also going to see aaalll your acquaintances, and that means you’re in for some serious small talk. Thinking about common topics before you head back to school can elevate your conversational game from “Ha ha, cool” and impress those who matter most: people you only know in passing.
It’s pretty warm now, but soon it won’t be (literally nobody has ever been interested in talking about the weather. If someone tries to talk to you about the weather, they are basically telling you to go fuck yourself)!
What you “did” over the summer
Bear in mind that in NU’s competitive environment, sometimes it pays to embellish a little if you didn’t intern at the White House or write a novel or whatever. Catsitting for your uncle’s ex-wife who still insists you call her Aunt Sharon can easily become “conducting research in feline behavioral tendencies” if you’ve got the balls to say it with a straight face.
Who you “did” over the summer
If you’ve got a boyfriend or girlfriend at school that you didn’t visit over the summer, ABSOLUTELY NO ONE. If you’re single, it’s up to you whether or not you care to reveal the shitty sex you had with the 23-year-old who graduated from your high school a few years before you did because the two of you matched on Tinder.
How much the last month of summer sucked
SO. MUCH. Football season
Hopefully we… win… more? Just say something about unions and wait for a reaction.
How much you drank
“Maaaan, me and my boys plus six bottles of Barefoot Moscato and Beyoncé’s visual album? We turned the fuck up is all I gotta say. Plus, my parents let me drink beer with them when we went to France for two weeks.”
How many drugs you did
Don’t talk about smoking weed. Do talk about the time you accidentally did meth.
How excited you are to be back on campus, engaging yourself fully in educational pursuits
Jk, where the girls at?