Welcome to my blog. I document my adventures in travel, style, and food. Hope you have a nice stay!

Sherman Ave's Guide to Not Looking Like an Idiot While Watching the World Cup

Sherman Ave's Guide to Not Looking Like an Idiot While Watching the World Cup

assistindo-jogo It’s that time again: the FIFA World Cup —when you have to pretend you care about are knowledgeable about soccer. You may be invited over to watch a game, you may not know what’s going on, and you may fuck up a few times whilst trying to feign interest display familiarity with soccer terminology. Don’t worry though. We gotchu if the aforementioned fuckup does occur.

You said: “I hear Spain’s really good this year. I bet they’ll win.”

The Problem: They’re out already.

The Fix: “I meant to say Brazil…they speak Spanish right?


You said: “THAT’S A FOUL! C’mon ref!”

The Problem: It was not in any way shape or form a foul.

The Fix: “Well, it should be. Fuck [insert opposing team name here].”


You said: “There’s always next year.”

The Problem: There isn’t. It’s every four years.

The Fix: “I meant the Women’s World Cup…which is next year (in Canada)!”

This is legitimately the ugliest logo they could have picked.

You said: "There we go! Corner kick!"

The Problem: What just happened does not result in a corner kick.

The Fix: Find the nearest table and kick its corner, thereby laughing it off as a witty and topical play-on-words.


You said: “Fucking Ronaldo…”

The Problem: Ronaldo is on neither of these teams.

The Fix: “…gets me all hot and bothered. Ugh, I wish HE were playing right now.”


You said: “Handball!”

The Problem: That man’s hand is not located on his face.

The Fix: Stay insistent. You SAW his hand touch the ball despite slow motion video evidence. You know what a hand ball is, so stop fucking sassing me, Joshua.


You said: “TOUCHDOWN!!”

The Problem: It’s a goal.

The Fix: That one’s pretty rough. Just start chanting, "U-S-A, U-S-A" or something.*

Remember: Don't sweat it too much if you say the wrong thing once or twice. Chances are, your friends will just make fun of you forever and/or stop inviting you to watch the World Cup with them (and then you won't have to worry about what to say during the games anymore)! Good luck.

*It doesn’t matter if we’re not playing. People love America.


An Open Letter to the Country of Belgium

An Open Letter to the Country of Belgium

The Northwestern Trail (An Oregon Trail Send-Up)

The Northwestern Trail (An Oregon Trail Send-Up)