Sherman Ave's Guide to Local Hook-up Options
Christmas is over, you ran out of the fun things to do in your town three days after you got home, and you still have a few days until classes start back up. You’re bored as fuck and you’re probably also horny as fuck. Time to kill two birds with one stone and explore your local options for a holiday hookup.
High School Ex: This is definitely the most boring and predictable option ever. Also probably the easiest. I mean, you guys did lose your virginities to each other, right? Of course you did. You probably had sex with them over Thanksgiving break too. This is probably your best bet to getting laid unless you were a complete asshole once you broke up. But even then, you still have a chance because hate sex.
Middle School Ex: Definitely slightly more exciting than banging your high school ex. Your relationship might have abruptly ended after 3 weeks of dating when he broke up with you via AIM but there was definitely some chemistry there when you guys slowed danced to “Listen to Your Heart’ by DHT at the Valentine’s Day sockhop. Plus you both have gotten a lot hotter since middle school (thanks puberty!). You guys finally hooking up is four to nine years coming AND it’s a way better story to tell your friends than the fact that you had sex with your high school ex (again).
That Friend: You know the one. That one there’s always been a little bit of sexual tension with but neither of you has ever actually made a move because you didn’t want to ruin your friendship or you guys were both always dating other people or some other lame excuse. Most likely though it was just because both of you are way too much of pussies. Well, now’s the perfect time to get drunk off your parents’ liquor in a basement and bang. I’m pretty sure no friendship has ever actually been ruined because of casual sex.
Your Cousin: Let’s be honest, they were looking pretttty good at the family Christmas party. I mean their hand definitely lingered on yours when they passed you that slice of bread and their foot grazed yours like FIVE times during dinner. In some countries, it’s normal for people to actually marry their cousins so just having sex with them can’t be that weird, right? Right?
Your Sibling’s Friends: Chances are your sibling(s) have at least one friend that you’d totally bang if you could. Use the taboo sibling status to your advantage. Yea, your sibling might be super pissed at their friend and you might ruin their friendship but that’s a sacrifice you’re willing to make.
Your Friend’s Siblings: This option is pretty much identical to having sex with one of your siblings’ friends except you’re the friend in question that the sibling is pissed at. Sorry not sorry that there is something so tempting about the off limits sibling. They’ll probably get over it by summer break when you see them again so no harm, no foul.